Waiting
by sweetprincipale
Summary: AU early season 5. A sequel to "Ready", please read that first. Time marches on and the Slayer and her loved ones prepare for life changing events, new jobs, new homes, and a new little one. Spike and Buffy realize they're also waiting for something that will change hearts as well.
1. Chapter 1

**Waiting**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. A sequel to Ready, please read that first. Time marches on and the Slayer and her loved ones prepare for life changing events, new jobs, new homes, a new little life. Spike and Buffy realize they're waiting for something that will change hearts as well._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, there is no Dawn and no Glory._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not heavily focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Author's Third Note: This is a very dialogue heavy/detail heavy chapter. There isn't a lot of interaction between our leading lady and vamp, but this helps further create the background needed to build their relationship._

 _Dedicated to: The AMAZING and supportive readers and reviewers who loved Ready and encouraged me to continue the series._

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part I**

Giles was startled by polite but persistent knocking. He looked out the window and then closed his eyes and uttered a short prayer for strength at the sight of this early and unexpected guest. "Riley. Good morning. I wasn't expecting to see you." He opened the door with a forced smile.

"Hi, Mr. Giles. Hey, I'm sorry to come over so early. And without calling." Riley glanced at his military issued thick black wristwatch, loaded with technical/tactical goodies. "I know you're not working, so I figured you wouldn't have anything else to do today, so-" He stopped at the stern eyebrows went from their typical polite aloofness to downright harsh. _Probably not a good idea to bring up the unemployed thing._ "Well, it's important, or I wouldn't have come over without calling."

 _The boy is undoubtably not gifted with words. Or tact. Why in heaven's name did they place him in any sort of covert detail?_ "Being a Watcher typically is a full time job, salaried by the Council. I do it without pay, without being under their dictates, but I certainly continue to work."

"Right, right. Sorry." _This is_ not _working like I had planned_. "Uh… yeah, did you talk to Buffy?" _And is he going to ask me in?_

 _I suppose I'd best ask him in._ "Come in." Giles stepped back and allowed him to enter. "Buffy did come to see me yesterday." He looked at him gravely. "Have you spoken to her since yesterday afternoon?"

"We talked." Riley said tersely. "Did she- what did she say?"

Giles frowned. "What would _you_ like to say, Riley? You're the one who's here, and you've already spoken to her. I'm the one at a loss. And if I'm honest, I haven't had my first cup of coffee yet, which means I'm in no mood to mince words or play guessing games."

Riley gulped. Giles might be past his prime, but that message had apparently not reached the cold steel in his eye or his commanding voice. _Guy would have made one badass drill sergeant, but he doesn't fit the picture. Doesn't need to yell. Forget it, a squad wouldn't have been able to hear him._ But Riley could hear him, loud and clear, the message being, "Don't play games with me, I'm capable of being tweedy but dangerous."

"Sorry, Sir. I can be brief."

"Don't call me sir." Giles muttered out of earshot, heading to the kitchen. He poured himself a cup of coffee, but in a rare breach of etiquette didn't offer anything to his guest. "Brief would be most desirable. Sit." Giles indicated the sofa, and sat across from him, spine immobile and coffee balanced on his knee as if it were some lordly scepter. Riley swallowed hard. _That's right, you young fool. You're outmanned here. A real man is not easily intimidated by a powerful woman and wouldn't disparage her. Nor neglect her "needs"._ "Begin?" He invited cooly.

"Well, I have new orders, Sir- I mean, Giles. I'm being deployed in a month. That obviously is going to make things hard for- for the situation with Buffy. The baby."

"Obviously." Giles' face softened. "I know that is the soldier's heartache, separated from loved ones and family. You have to go where you're sent until your enlistment is up, even if it's the last place you wish to be."

 _Only I chose the operation, and I knew the location. And I had an out_. Finn decided those things were not pertinent at the moment. "Yeah. I'm going to Iowa first, for two weeks, and then I'll be back in town. Logistically it makes the most sense, since I'm heading to a mission in Central America. That's classified, by the way."

"I won't be writing home about it." Giles said dryly. "And your talk with Buffy… that hasn't changed your travel plans?" He felt uncomfortable suddenly. _I really wish Buffy had arrived on my doorstep first. Highly unlikely as that is, given the earliness of the hour._

" Talking- it - we- uh… we have some issues." _She dumped me._ His brain hadn't really wrapped around that, probably because it wan't entirely true. It was more like the issue, on both sides, had dumped him, broken up a good thing.

"And you wanted to consult me about them? When I spoke to Buffy, I did offer to speak to you. Regarding Slayers. Their abilities. Hr-hrm. Needs. Not only as forces for good, but as- as young women." His turn to swallow audibly, but he hid it under a hasty sip of coffee.

"Believe me, she's told me all about her 'abilities'." Riley scowled. _Superhuman. Not immortal._

"Ah. So you're not here to discuss this from a Watcher's perspective?" _Thank God. I think._

"No offense, Giles, but your perspective might be a little bit- off."

The glasses were removed slowly, methodically. "What do you mean?" The voice was so deceptively polite, though clipped.

"Well- you're letting her do this! Slay. You're letting her go out and get beat up every night! A pregnant woman who should be resting and getting extra sleep, and you let her go out and fight monsters, risk her life…" Riley raked his hands through his bangs, head shaking in disgust. "Why are you letting her do that? I thought you were her Watcher? I thought you… had some control over her."

The polite mask was gone, and the voice was still tight, but now it was almost -mocking? Menacing. There was a chill in it and in intensity that made Riley draw back as Giles leaned forward. "You are a misguided young man, and I knew it from the moment I watched you touch her."

Riley's jaw popped open. He'd never expected that response. "Wha-"

" _Let_ her? _Control_ her? Do you think I'm her keeper? No!" Giles slammed the cup down on the coffee table with a rattling splash. "She is the Slayer, I am her Watcher, her helper, I am her guide. Guides and helpers seek to assist. Not to control." He suddenly laughed. "What in God's name are you thinking, Riley? Have you ever seen her controlled? Ordered about?" His voice was drawing out the words now. "Forced to act against her nature?"

"I…"

"You. You did that. You made her feel weak enough or strange enough that she gave in on occasion to try to be what you wanted. You couldn't stand the fact that there is a vulnerable, beautiful girl, with normal emotions that needs all your love and support- under an armor all your fancy weapons pale in comparison to, and that's simply her own skin."

"She's pregnant!" Riley burst out, lost in guilty feelings that he thought were all Buffy's whims until this man bared them to light and unblinkingly elaborated on them.

"Did that change who she was? It adds to her, not erases her!"

"It- it changes everything! She could lose the baby if she gets hurt. Don't you know anything about the female body and pregnancy?"

"I know that the Slayer's body, including the bits that are uniquely 'female' and 'pregnant' are as strong as the rest of her, and that includes her ability to withstand injury and heal. There has been some documentation of this." Giles shook his head, trying to clear the image of the confusion of his email and the attachment he finally managed to wrestle open and read. "I also know there are risks associated with fighting and Buffy works to minimize them. Have you watched her on patrol lately?"

"She's not allo- she's not supposed to be patrolling!" Riley spat. _I asked her not to. Not like she listened._

"Unfortunately she can't take several months completely off, not in this time of year." Giles' eyes blazed over the slip of the tongue Riley had made. "Supposed to or not, according to you, according to the universe and the Hellmouth, she has to do some patrolling. If you watched her you'd know you have very little to worry about in terms of her ability to handle the task. She's reached the pinnacle of efficiency, a living exemplar of what a fighting machine should be. She's faster, more lethal, and more stealthy and silent. She is protecting her child- _your_ child- by ruthlessly dispatching threats to it, usually even before they're aware she's coming for them. Pregnancy gives a Slayer untold strength- not from the body, from the mind, spirit, and heart. The Slayer is given an urge to protect what is innocent, and there is nothing more innocent and pure than a mother's love for her child. That's not even taking into account what Buffy is in her own right- a sweet girl with the most loving and protective of souls. You could not have been blessed with a better partner, or mother for your child. And you somehow managed to trample her down until she fled you." Giles concluded, staring at the open-mouthed face across from him, his voice darkening in contempt. "Isn't that so, Riley? She no longer wants you as her partner."

"Did she tell you?" Riley managed to whisper uncomfortably.

"I'm putting together pieces, but it seems I'm correct. She told me she couldn't change for you, not significantly enough to become what you wanted. Nor did she think that change would come easily to you, for you to be more of what she needs. She also told me that-" _Stop, Rupert. Discretion is the better half of valor._

 _The git just told me he thought I "controlled" Buffy. Like a puppet. Like I'm a flesh-monger, dangling a pregnant teenager at the end of a line for demons to use as a punching bag._

 _Discretion be damned._ "She told me you made her feel unattractive and that you'd lost all interest in her, as a woman, that is. That beautiful girl, carrying your child, thought you were repulsed by her."

"Whoa. She shouldn't be talking to you - to _anyone_ \- like that. About our personal stuff." Riley blushed. It wasn't entirely true. Not the repulsed part. But other things outweighed that, and it didn't matter, because it was private and this just proved Buffy and her circle were too close, scary close.

"While I typically would agree, I believe you were not around at the time she requested to speak." Giles said coldly. "It's not unusual for people who are sad and deeply conflicted to find someone to comfort them, to listen to them. Apparently you haven't been supplying much in that area."

"All right, that's it, you're out of line! I try to show respect for my elders, but-"

"Damn my age, treat me with as little respect as you like! You've shown me more respect than you've shown her, and I hardly know you."

"I always treat her with respect! I have never been anything but a gentleman to her!"

"She doesn't need a 'gentleman', she needs a man who understands her, gentle or rough, she needs someone who accepts her as a Slayer and a woman! She is not able to give up either role, Riley, no matter how much you wish it."

The sound of heavy, agitated breathing filled the room. Riley's arguments wouldn't seem to flow, and everyone kept missing the point. The only thing that mattered. "She can't give up her roles. Fine. But she expects me to give up my child."

Giles frowned. "What are you saying? She wants to raise the baby alone?"

No, that hadn't been what was said. At all. "Putting it at risk is the same thing. I'd end up without my son or daughter."

"I hate to be difficult, but you also helped create that risk. You made love to a woman who has a dangerous job that can only be given to another if she dies. You knew that fairly early on in your relationship, and you know no method of contraception, save abstaining, is guaranteed." His glance raked him. "A bit late to try that method, Riley, after pregnancy is confirmed. Now you've made a life, and she is carrying it for both of you, while unable to put down any of her other burdens." Angry tears rushed to the corners of his eyes without warning, but they didn't overflow. "A _decent_ man would offer her every support. Fight alongside her. A decent _man_ wouldn't try to restrain her from her calling, force her to choose between saving the world and saving one child. He'd try to help her to do both, knowing she was fighting as hard as she could for each." _I will be that man. Xander will be that man. Hank Summers- oh Lord, he failed at fathering as soon as he hit a rough patch, that's where I came in. I pray someday there will be another man, who can give her the other things she needs as well, someone who won't make her feel that she has loved and finished loving, all before twenty. Someone who can give her what she needs off the battlefield, and provide a more respectful attitude for Buffy's child to see towards her work, rather than this blindness of its father. Its mother is a hero. Not some reckless vigilante._

Anger, frustration, embarrassment were crowding the younger man's head. He was a decent man, trying to get someone he loved- cared for- to be safe, and trying to protect an innocent life, same as Buffy, yet somehow this guy made him out to be some monster, some bad, selfish person. That wasn't true."I came to ask you to try to convince her to take it easy. I can see I chose the wrong person. Your ideas, like I said, are a little off." Riley ground out, rising.

"Don't for one moment think I would let Buffy go without assistance or support when patrolling. Or for anything, any part of her life." Giles got to his feet as well.

"I'll be around to make sure." Riley said in a threatening tone.

Giles smirked. Threats from the wrong people were just amusing at his stage of life. "Your mission is short lived?"

"I- get time to come back for the birth."

"Excellent. And Buffy is not trying to keep your child from you, now is she?" He held up a hand. "No more about what you perceive her actions to be, I want to know if she talked to you about your role as father. If I know her at all, she'll be eager for you to be a part in this child's life, as long as you don't interfere in _her_ role in it while doing so."

Creepy. Like hearing Buffy's thoughts come out of a different, much more intellectual sounding mouth. "You coach her on what to tell me?" Riley let out a short bark of disgusted laughter.

"Why would I have need to do that, Riley? She is her own person. Independent people might need love and support, help, if you like, but they don't need their minds made up for them."

"Just sounds like you two are feeding me the same lines." _Conveniently losing all the logical parts of your brain, too._

"Is that so?" Giles smiled in a way Riley found unsettling, so placid in the conclusion of a heated battle of words. "I imagine it's because of how well I _know_ her, not how well I 'coached' her." He turned and began to walk to the front door, their conversation clearly at an end. He paused and turned as Finn followed. "I love Buffy like my own child. I feel what you must feel." Giles startled him by speaking in a surprisingly gentle voice. "And what your parents must feel. You're in a job with an extremely high fatality rate compared to other civilian lines of work."

"We're an army family." Riley was startled into saying.

"And I supposed Buffy and I are a - are Slaying family. My father and his mother before him were Watchers. We've grown up knowing the risks, losing loved ones in ways no 'normal' person can fathom. I can tell you that Buffy is loved and is better equipped and supported than any other slayer in history. _Ever_. If there is one woman who could handle being both pregnant and Chosen, it's Buffy Summers."

Finn let out a deep sigh. "I know that she's better than anyone else, but-"

"You still worry. I do, too. Her friends and her mother worry as well- and no, I'm sure we don't worry on the same level as you do, we're not fathers, merely family." Giles forestalled a protest. "Please know that while I do not 'control' her activities, I do have some input, and I'll be using it to make sure Buffy and the baby are as safe and protected as possible." A sudden gleam came to his eye. "Ooh. I'll look up protective spells with a long lasting time frame. Willow and Tara are quite accomplished, you know, they could cast something. I'm sure Buffy wouldn't object as long as there are no side effects."

The comforted, partially understood feeling Riley had begun to let seep in vanished. "What? Spells? No! No, spells on my baby!"

"Protective charms, spell may be the wrong word." Giles placated.

"No! Oh God, see? That's what's wrong with this picture. If you want to protect her, I'm thinking some body armor, kevlar, reinforced! Not herbs and chanting! Everything in this world is not about mystic crap!"

"No, but unfortunately a lot of it is, at least on the Hellmouth. And if you remember threats like Adam, kevlar didn't seem to slow him down." Giles glared. "I imagine that Buffy could be persuaded to do both, wear something protective, and have something protective cast. It's up to her."

"It's also up to me! No mumbo jumbo on my kid! Not from Willow! I'm sorry, but didn't she cast a spell one time that blinded you?"

Giles did have the grace to look concerned at that point. "Well, she was still learning to control her power and she was grief stricken at the time. That was also a highly complex spell and I'm sure we could find something simple -"

"I'm not buying it, Giles. I'm sick of it. Magic and super powers and all this- weird stuff." He gestured to the rooms behind him, full of books and artifacts.

"Ah. I'm sorry." Giles said calmly. "This 'weird stuff' happens to make up a rather substantial portion of my life. And Buffy's. If this is something you're 'sick of', perhaps it's just as well you won't be in town much."

"I'll be around. Or _someone_ will, someone who can let me know what's going on." Riley's frustration exploded in one final threatening phrase.

"Surveillance. How charming. How extremely paternal, just what every woman and child wants." Giles flung open the front door as he reached it. "Get out of my house."

Riley was taken aback, though he knew he really shouldn't be. They'd been getting into some personal stuff and the words on both sides were harsh. "Look, I just meant-"

"I know what you meant. You've become something you can't even see. And to quote you, 'I'm sick of it'." Giles moved aside, letting Riley quickstep through the door, the chill in his host's voice propelling him. "I'll do everything I can to help take care of my family- which is now in part your family." Giles stated as he prepared to shut the door. "But the less I see of you while doing it, the better. Goodbye, Riley. Safe travels."

Riley was left staring at a reverberating door, wondering how his life had turned into so much shit in the space of 24 hours.

Giles stood leaning against the door, head back, panting slightly from all the pent up emotion- and considering that he'd displayed rather a lot of it (at least for him) he was shocked at how much anger was still left in him. That'd be Ripper, trying to come out to play. He viciously kicked over the coat stand by the door, then cursed and hastily picked it up.

"Perhaps he'll step on a land mine." Giles muttered as he put his coat and umbrella back in place. "No! No, I don't mean that." He hastily assured any listening deities. "But if you could just make him less of an ass, I'd be extremely grateful."

* * *

"Mmm." Buffy gratefully sipped her smoothie. "Best friend ever, Wills."

"I deliver nutrition in pretty colors." Willow clinked her pink plastic cup to Buffy's orange one.

"That's true." Another long sip- and a sideways glance at the clock. She made it in about ten minutes before Willow knocked , and they had about fifteen minutes more until Buffy had to leave for class.

"How'd it go?" Willow finally asked. "We called but…"

"I didn't feel like talking for a long time after Riley. All talked out, not in the fun way." Buffy murmured.

"Oh man." Willow's face, already sympathetic, began to crunch, lip wobbling. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. I… I thought it was going to be worse, but then- I think I actually did a good job. 'Cause I don't hate him. Sometimes I am so mad I could punch him and I know sometimes he's an idiot, but he's also still that nice guy. He wants to keep the baby safe, and me safe, and he doesn't understand me. I don't get him either. But we're both okay people, and we have a baby to think about that we both love, so… we have to make it work." She shrugged and sucked loudly on her straw. "Mm. Mango."

"Make it work as in marry him? Stay with him?" Willow squeaked, her shake slipping dangerously.

"No!" Buffy choked on a mouthful of her drink and coughed for a few seconds before she could speak. "No! Spike said the same thing. I gotta learn to be more clear."

"Spike said the same thing? When did you see him?"

"Last night." Buffy admitted with a sigh. "I didn't feel like talking. He and I are good at not talking. Until carbs kick in. You know how some people get loose under the influence of liquor or drugs? You better hope no forces of evil ever find out that I crack under waffles."

Willow laughed. "He force fed you waffles?"

"No forcing. He just came with me to watch me scarf comfort food and be mopey. Then I talked. Then I slept. Hard." That was true. She simply didn't describe the location of her sleeping. Or the explosive but sweet lovemaking that exhausted her into such a deep slumber. Willow's mouth opened, but Buffy quickly closed it with her next phrase, explaining the situation better. "Riley and I have to work things out, as in taking care of this child- something we're already butting heads over. You know more about research than anyone I know, Wills. I need your help."

Willow looked startled. "Research? On parenting?"

"Not so much. Although- yeah. Oh my gosh, I don't know anything! My whole thing is 'keep baby alive' and 'fight evil to save world to save baby'. I never even babysat! I don't know how to change a diaper, I never even thought about having a baby, ever!" Buffy's eyes were beginning to leave their sockets.

"Buffy, Buffy!" Willow held up her hands. "We'll research. We'll read books and you can take classes. Your mom could-"

"Argh! My mom! I haven't even told her yet! She's going to flip! _Flip_!"

"Calm down?" Willow tentatively suggested.

"Right. Calm. Parents should be calm." Buffy blinked rapidly. "And- and focused."

"You're both those things, when it counts. Buffy, you're Ms. Cool Under Pressure. Okay? I'll help you with anything you want help with. Tara will too. Xander- well, I know I shouldn't have brought it up but I kinda did bring up some stuff the other day… I think he'll be um- um- understanding."

Buffy decided not to mention Xander's voice message right now, and she smiled slightly. "You guys always have my back. I think we'll all deal."

"You know we will. Whatever we need, we somehow manage to get it. So. What did you actually need? Before the panicking?"

"Oh. Custody. Visitation stuff. Can we do something without lawyers? I can't afford a lawyer and I have four weeks to pull things together before Riley flies off into the jungles for however long."

"Flies of into the…? What?"

"He blew me off so he could go to that classified meeting. At top secret headquarters he picked up a new mission and he's going to South America- I mean, Central America, for a long time. He's coming home for the birth and everything though." Willow just stared, even her hyper brilliant mind struggling to follow the chain of events. Buffy took a deep breath. "He still wanted to get married. Husband, wife, baby makes three. He wanted me to leave Sunnydale and go live on an army base, transfer my college credits, and become some happy little housewife. Leave everything without even discussing it with me." Buffy bit her lip, closed her eyes. "I can't stop Slaying. No, I could, but I can't stop being the Slayer. If I die, they get someone else to do the job, save the world, watch the Hellmouth. But if I die, how's that going to help my baby?"

"Don't talk like that!" Willow shook her head frantically. "You're not going to die and you're not leaving us. Y-you don't want to, do you?"

"I would love it if Slayers got maternity leave, but we don't. I tried running away- once. Slaying isn't something you can leave, and you usually have to do everything alone. I'm better off than any other one in history, because I have you guys. I actually can take some time off, help from the sidelines when I have to, but I can't abandon it all, forever. Riley doesn't get that." Buffy's eyes seemed to go through Willow, a puzzled crease between them. "Which is really weird if you think about it, because he actually knows what I am."

"He knows what you're _called_ , anyway." Willow whispered. "There's a big difference."

"Mhhm. Giles kinda said the same thing. Spike, too, actually." _Spike knows what I am. Who I am. Giles, too. Willow, Xander, Tara, Anya. Everyone but the man I was supposed to fall in love with._ "It's messy." Buffy finally said hoarsely. "Neither of us want to become something we're not, but we do both love this baby. I want to raise it with his help, when he's around. I don't want the baby to live on a farm in the middle of nowhere instead of with his own mother!"

"What? Wait, back up. Farms?"

"This is why I put off talking." Buffy abruptly put her head down in her folded arms. "He thought his parents could take care of the baby for us. They have a great big farm and rolling hills or something cool and wholesome sounding. I'm a sophomore without a job who lives in a dorm. To Riley, his parents are a better option."

"But your the mom! The mommy! Kids want their moms." Willow stifled a personal outburst. She _still_ wanted her mom, and nothing was getting done about that. "You and the baby have to stay together. If- if that's what you want."

"I do. I want to be fair- but if he tries to take my baby away, he will _wish_ he was a vampire so all I could do was stake him." Buffy's eyes threw sparks.

"We're not going to let that happen. Give me a couple hours and I'll have everything you need to know about custody agreements outside of a court setting. And if that won't work - my uncle is a lawyer. I'll call in family favors."

The sick ball of worry in Buffy's stomach loosened slightly. "You know I love you, right?" She smiled.

"Right." Willow smiled broadly in return. "Uh- don't you have class in like- now?"

Buffy gasped, grabbed her bag and her drink and bolted. "Bye! Love you, let me know what you find out!" She was blur through the door- and then back in.

"What's the matter?" Willow rose hastily.

"Have to pee!" Buffy yelped and slammed into the bathroom. "Being pregnant isn't as fun as it looks!"

* * *

"Ah-ha!" Giles threw open his door, crossbow pointed, a slightly manic glint in his eye. "Oh. It's you." He groaned and put the bow at his side.

"This isn't what it looks like." Spike peeped up from the hedges under the window to the side of the stairs, only his eyes and nose visible with his collar yanked up tight.

"It looks like you're trying to see if I'm home while avoiding direct sunlight." Giles said with a sigh.

"Ah. Then it is what it looks like." Spike coughed.

"It must be urgent. Couldn't wait until dark?" Giles hesitated, then waved him inside.

"I wouldn't say urgent, but I was awake and my telly's gone to the all static channel." _An' after dark, I plan to be conveniently accessible for a certain blonde._

"For heaven's sake, Spike. I have a great deal of paperwork to do and I can't stand it when you watch soaps in my house. You yell at the set."

"I didn't come for the soaps. I'm - I'm giving it a miss for today." Now he'd have to buy a bloody magazine to find out what he missed. Or maybe Joyce wouldn't mind rehashing it for him- once he was sure Buffy had told her about the break up. He'd be dusty in seconds if he spilled the beans on that one.

"Dear, dear. It may not be urgent, but it must be important." Giles, with an odd sense of deja vu, gestured for Spike to sit down in the same place Riley had been a few hours earlier.

"Yeah, let's call it that. I was wonderin'-" Spike broke off with a sniff, then a look of disgust. "Soldier boy?"

"What, Finn?"

"The same. I can smell him."

"He was here. Briefly." Giles' stoic face twisted for a second, showing something angry under the calm surface before it vanished. "Does this concern him?"

"Maybe indirectly." Spike shoved his hands in his pockets and tried to look interested in the contents of the coffee table. "Heard Slayer is up the spout."

"Yes. She mentioned you were now in on that secret. And it is to remain a secret." The crossbow that he'd been about to set down now wavered slightly, a casual aim in the vampire's direction.

"Understood, an' agreed." Spike ignored the threat. He wouldn't be doing anything to earn it.

"And you obviously know that Riley is the father." Giles placed the weapon down gently.

"Mhm. So, I noticed she's not off her game or anything, and I'm not sayin' she ought to be." Spike met his eyes for a split second before refocusing on the toes of his boots. "Not saying she needs help. But I did think-" another wavered glance, "that maybe she could use some temporary assistance. I know she'll patrol, but I could do some extra, just until she sorts out this rubbish with the father-to-be."

"You heard about the break up?"

"I did." _Before it even officially happened, strange to say._

"You know she is angry at Riley for treating her like some sort of invalid? Incapable of performing her duty?"

"She can bloody outperform his entire unit." Spike snorted, his eyes now remaining up, laughingly smirking under the other man's glare. "She'll be fine without anyone, I'm not kiddin' myself thinking the Slayer's suddenly a weak little lamb, ripe for the slaughter." Now the eyes turned serious. "Just came up, a bit, that Finn thinks this area isn't so hot for a baby, and he threw it in her face. Not like it's a proper Hellmouth, not with her around, running the demon population into the negative numbers. She has a lot on her plate right now so I thought I'd help keep her kill count up until she has more time."

"And you came to me… why?"

"Well, gotta ask her if she minds first, but thought it might sound a bit better if I could tell her what locations I'd cover. Like I had an actual 'helpful suggestion', not just blowin' smoke. Figure you're her Watcher, you know her routes, know what areas she's due to hit. Maybe you could give me a sort of an outline, and when I ask her, I could offer spots she needs to get to- or the ones she doesn't have time to." He trailed off in a mildly embarrassed mutter, wondering just how well that idea would go over.

Giles hesitated. He felt like he should have some reservations, as he typically did when Spike was involved, but his manner was thoroughly un-Spike-like. _Buffy trusts him- up to a point. He offered to help her. He's still offering._

 _Riley doesn't offer that much, and he is the biological father, and the man who was supposed to be in love with her._

Spike studied the Watcher covertly, trying to appear as if he wasn't. The Watcher was never one to be easily impressed, and sure as hell not one to be throwing his trust about.

Both men seemed to be surprised when Giles asked, "Tea?"

Spike snorted reflexively. "Tea? I… What kind?"

Giles allowed himself a slight grin. "Darjeeling. Looseleaf, properly strained and probably a bit strong by now. But I have actual Demerara sugar."

"Stop it, you're killin' me." Spike rose, about to follow him to the kitchen. Then he stopped, looking like he'd been caught doing something forbidden. "One cup. Don't mention it to anyone? Bad enough bein' chipped…"

"One Englishman to another." Giles felt an oddly relaxed sensation as he headed to retrieve a second cup, Spike following. "That's a helpful idea you had. Is there a price in mind?"

Buffy's smile flashed across his mind. The tiny twitch he'd barely felt, the living thing he experienced with her, the thing he didn't have to kill to get, the thing that would get bigger and more full of life over time… "Money'd come in handy, but not like your lot are rollin' in it. I'll settle for remaining in her good graces- and keeping her ex-honey from trampling all over her, like he does now without even bloody realizing it." Spike concluded in a bitter snarl.

The relaxed feeling in Giles' chest turned into a faint spark of amusement, even enjoyment. "Biscuits?"

"If you're havin' some."

"I think I will. Then we can compare notes on recent demonic activity. If you've any 'insider knowledge' that would help me map out a perimeter, I'd appreciate it."

"Yeah, heard a few things down at Willy's." Spike shrugged.

"Excellent. And then… you'll be asking Buffy about this 'plan'?"

"If she says no, it's off. I learned fast that you don't make her mad right now. An' there's no tellin' what sets her off." Spike grumbled, shaking his head. _Learned even faster what calms her down. Good time, good release of the tension. Someone who listens and someone who talks between rounds._

Giles watched the scowl turn to a private smirk that he couldn't' quite understand. "Quite. She's been a bit- tense."

"Maybe I'll help." He shrugged. "Take off some of the pressure." Spike added hastily.

"When do you expect to see her?"

The vampire's eyes flickered. "Might see her around tonight. In passing."

"I don't know how she's managing to deal with all the things on her already full plate." Giles confided. He frowned. _I just confided in Spike. Leaves a strange taste in one's mouth._ He hurriedly sipped his tea _. Oh well. If Buffy can do it- I might as well. A bit._

"I ought to head out. Maybe if I get another coat hanger for the antenna…" Spike felt Giles' eyes focusing anywhere but on him, making him twitchy. _Guess I better get used to that._ He had a sudden image of a mini-Slayer, girl, not a boy like she kept thinking, running around this place, under the stodgy ex-librarian's feet, and he was somehow running around it with her. Looking out for the mum, looking out for the child.

 _What the hell is wrong with this picture?_ "Thanks for the cuppa." He rose abruptly.

"We didn't even discuss locations, or what you've heard around the bar scene." Giles sat his cup back in the saucer with a rattle.

"I- uh- right. Sorry." Spike sat back down, hand nervously slipping through his hair.

Giles paused. "You're used to playing nice, Spike. When it benefits you." The man gazed at him speculatively. "Why is this time making you so jumpy? Oh, please, don't look startled, I'd be the worst Watcher in the world if I couldn't identify something 'off' about a vampire I know fairly well."

Spike tried to scoff, but it fell flat. "Stayin' on the Slayer's good side, doesn't get much more 'beneficial' around these parts."

"You're in no danger from her as it is." Giles pointed out. His face changed slowly, realization setting in. Spike realized it, too, both of them saying it silently.

 _There's nothing in this for me. Nothing in this for me that I don't already have, except… some feelings. Something I want. Some stupid, bloody, unnamed thing._

 _I don't get anything tangible outta this. And he just figured it out._

"I know you said only one cup, but your secrets are safe with me." Rupert deftly poured a second cup, purposefully not looking at his guest. _The secret that you might occasionally miss drinking something not bled from a vein or fermented. And the fact that you have no reason at all, nothing really, to help Buffy._

 _You just_ want _to. And for some reason, she trusts that you're sincere, so I must as well._

Spike slowly took up his refilled cup. "Restfield's quiet. I'd handle that patch if she wants, seein' as it's my own backyard."

"Mhmm. Anything new on the dock area? Buffy seldom heads there."

"Rough neighborhood, human or otherwise. Any demon comin' in usually makes quick inroads to the city, but that might be a good way to head 'em off."

"She doesn't typically have the time to cover the populated residential areas, the cemeteries, the campus, business districts, and industrial areas all in one night."

" _I_ don't evenhave time for all that, an' I don't have a college career to see to the next day, or a demandin' significant other watchin' my every move." Spike huffed.

How odd. They were both nodding. Smiling slightly. Conversing without open hostility, and they'd just made twin grunts of contempt when Riley was referred to.

"You could be trying to get a 'schedule' for her so you could tip off other demons, other un-chipped demons, that is, on where they could safely attack for a night." Giles said musingly, without any true accusation in it.

 _Good thought. He's not stupid._ "Then I won't ask her for her schedule, I'll just ask where she wants me to hit, if she even wants me to hit anywhere at all."

"Then you'd know to tell your cronies at least one area where she wouldn't be on active patrol."

"She could check up on me any time. You think I'd go behind _her_ back so I could the business end of a stake through _my_ chest? One time gettin' caught pullin' a stunt like that and she'd be done with me." _Done with me. Shit. Bloody hell, that sounds… like something more than it was s'posed to._

 _"Done with him." An interesting choice of words_. Giles swirled his tea reflectively. "If you offer to partner with her and she accepts, we'll discuss the amount of information to share. Specific information. For the time being, if you'd offer your services as a pair of ears and keeping an eye on your own backyard, as it were, that should be adequate."

Brain temporarily in panic at the opening "If you offer to partner with her and she accepts" part of Giles' speech, Spike took a moment to nod. "Sounds good."

They finished in silence. "Thanks, Rupes. Good stuff."

"Thank you for coming to offer some help. Even if it is rejected, I think it's very… _telling_ that you offered your support."

"Yeah, well. Been talkin' to Slayer lately. Sounds like support's been bugger all from Soldier Boy."

"Well-meaning though he is." Giles felt obliged to add.

"Means well for _him_." The defensiveness was apparent in his tone.

"You're very opinionated on the subject."

"Hate his guts. Easy opinion to have of the bloke that helped get you caught, caged, and skull-cracked."

"That's true."

"Plus, I've- been in rough relationships. Got clear ideas on how people should treat each other."

"The acceptance. Full awareness. It's vital." Giles'd been on the receiving end of this. The rejection when they couldn't accept his life as a Watcher, or his past with demons, or his future fighting them for that matter.

First twin smiles, now twin sighs. "He's a pillock." Spike reached for a cigarette from his pocket.

"Don't smoke that in here." Giles warned. "Privately, I agree. Not that he isn't trying to do what he feels is best. But the way he makes her feel…"

"Sometimes the good guys aren't so good to her. Noticed that." Spike slid to the door, pulling his coat up firmly. "She'll tell you what to tell me if she wants the help."

"Right. Have a good afternoon, Spike."

"Ta, Rupes." And he was gone.

Giles closed the door with a bemused expression on his face. "The good guys aren't so good to her." He repeated Spike's words slowly. It was sadly true. Hmm. "The 'bad guy' certainly seems to be winning in terms of treating her with respect and kindness this week." He muttered. "I suppose we'll wait to see how long he keeps it up. Or if it's part of an act. A plot." Giles sincerely hoped not. To find Buffy's instincts had betrayed her would change her confidence levels dramatically, and he would blame himself because he bolstered them more now than ever, when she needed them for this next phase of her life.

 _But maybe that's a groundless worry._ Giles had a not entirely easy feeling that Spike's offer and attitude were legitimate.

He didn't know which of the two scenarios unsettled him more.

* * *

"We need to talk some more. Nothing's really 'settled'." Buffy held the phone to her ear and her other arm went across her stomach, a gesture of nervous protection. "Um. When's good for you?"

"I have to meet with the TA office to do some exit paperwork and then my flight leaves Saturday… the guys are doing a little send off tonight. It's tradition when you lose someone in the company, it's not me blowing off something important, I just… I'm leaving them behind." Riley sounded distracted. "So. Breakfast tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Good." Buffy cleared her throat. "Your flight? To Iowa?"

"Right. Two weeks there, and then I'll be back before I head out. Are you going to have any appointments I can come to before then?"

"I - uh- I don't remember. I think have one next week, and then there's the twenty week one. They do an ultrasound then. I think."

"You _think_?" Riley tried not to sound impatient. _But I bet she knows exactly how many stakes she has in her purse. But prenatal care? That's no big deal._

"I wrote it down!" Buffy snapped. "I just don't know where my planner is." She confessed guiltily and started digging through her book bag. _Or would it be on my desk? No, I took it to my appointment, so it would be in my purse. But then I took it to class…_

"You have to remember things. The baby is depending on you." The impatience seeped out. _I am depending on her not to screw this up, and she never screws up in a battle, but she sure makes a lot of dumb calls on the day to day stuff._ "What are you going to do when I'm not around?"

 _Oooh_. She tried to keep her tone even, but it got heated quickly. "I don't know, Riley. Probably the same thing I would do if you were here. Or if we were married and I was playing happy housewife in army barracks. You wouldn't be around to nag me, unless you did it long distance, unless the jungle has really good cell reception." Buffy's angry voice flared back.

"People would keep an eye on you." _For me_.

"People will 'keep an eye' on me here. And it's called having friends, they look out for you, the way you want them to. It's not like having surveillance."

"Some friends." He scoffed. Riley's conversation with Giles rankled. He'd known, in his heart, that Buffy didn't follow the Watcher like a commanding officer, but he was amazingly influential in her life. A life he ought to be trying harder to protect, but no. Not him, not Mr. High and Mighty Watcher. Not him and the rest of the weird bunch he used to like, and right now were all lumped together as traitors.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"It just seems a little off to me that these people who love you aren't doing more to try to stop you from deliberately putting yourself at risk."

"I'm sorry- are we talking about the same friends, the non-superpower-y people who deliberately risk their _own_ lives without anything like Slayer reflexes, healing, or sucky destiny? The guys who've been helping me out since I was a newbie in a strange high school on a Hellmouth?"

"The wannabes. Yeah. They let you do all the real dangerous stuff and they pitch in and suddenly they're cool demon fighters."

"What more do you want people to do? The key words being 'demon fighters'. They do everything they can, which is way more than the rest of the world could even imagine. And also- that's just plain wrong, what you said about them, but I'm trying to be a _little bit_ mature and not scream at you for saying things you probably don't mean when you're pissed at not getting your own way. Which is getting harder and harder to do, by the way."

Verbally slapped, Riley paused. "I don't think they're totally reliable, that's all I'm saying."

"Then I guess you don't know them as well as I do. Which stands to reason, because you didn't know _me_ as well as you thought, either. That's my fault, okay? I will take all the blame for being something other than you expected, if you will just please cut the crap about me being able to stop Slaying. I am gonna take it easy when I need to. That's when those 'unreliable' friends are gonna come in." The hand left her stomach and moved to her temple. "I'm getting a headache."

"Is your vision blurry? Did you eat?" Riley demanded, voice suddenly concerned, not angry.

"I did eat, and my eyes are fine. Arguing like this is what's not fine. It stresses us both out, baby or no baby." She heard him sigh heavily and geared for another verbal sparring match.

"You're right. About the stress. And I do like your friends." _They used to be my friends too. Sort of._ He felt a sense of loneliness creep over him. Losing his familiar post, his girlfriend, the wacky gang of misfits he'd come to enjoy. And the idea that he'd be raising a child with a wife, instead of an ex. His emotions were swallowed down in a grunt. "I can talk about the important stuff. Calmly. At breakfast tomorrow. Can you bring me the times of the appointments you have?"

"Sure."

"I'm- uh- I'm having my pay split up. They can do a direct deposit if you bring me a blank check from your account."

"I don't have a checking account." Buffy admitted. "I'll um- I'll open one." _Moms have checkbooks. And jobs, with which to earn money to put into accounts and write checks._ "Thanks for doing that. For the baby. I won't use any, I promise."

"Hey, it's not like that. You take care of yourself. The money is to take care of the baby, so- that's you right now."

" _I'm_ the baby?"

"I mean you're the baby's home, its food source. I know you're not going to blow it on stupid stuff."

"I'll save it. For things he needs. Um. Speaking of things he needs- that's you. The daddy. So if I give you my appointment schedule, can you give me the times when you'll be around?"

"Mission dates are sketchy. And classified. I can give you rough ideas and I can make sure I give you a call when I know actual dates I can get back to the States."

"Right. Military. Not like you phone up and ask for reservations." Buffy laughed nervously. "Riley?"

"What is it?" His voice softened. Sometimes she sounded so - lost. Innocent. This beautiful girl he wanted to protect. She'd liked that, too. Once.

"I remember going to court when my parents got a divorce. It was awful. Because I was fifteen the judge made me give 'input' about which parent I wanted to live with, and then they argued, and then I had to make more statements… yeah. It was ugly. I was hoping- I was hoping we wouldn't have to do lawyers and courts to work out when we each spend time with the baby."

Riley blinked. "You want me to base this stuff on a handshake and some phone calls?"

"I was thinking more of an 'informal custody agreement'. Signed by a notary public." Buffy looked at the stack of printed papers Willow had left with her that evening. "It's informal and we can make it formal later if you- if you need to. If we need to. If things change. But right now, we could make up something simple?"

"I'll think about it and we can talk in the morning. I gotta go." _This is overwhelming. Worse than battles, nothing to hit, nothing to run from- just a feeling like everything isn't going the way you want and you're stuck with it anyway._

"Okay." Buffy was shutting down. Relieved to go. Conversations like this were worse than fighting demons. Feeling like you had to fight someone for something, and you really ought to be on the same side. _Sucks._ "You want to do the cafeteria?"

"Now?"

"No, for breakfast tomorrow."

"It's too crowded. And public." Riley remembered their last attempt to talk. "The coffee shop across from the park?"

"Sounds good." _Sounds terrible, but we have to do this_. "Nine?"

"Nine?" Getting up at five made nine practically lunch time. But she should rest. She was never a morning person. Out half the night… "Fine, nine. Can you be on time?"

"I will be on time. I _was_ on time, last time. You didn't know it because you stood me up." Buffy informed him. Her hand was beginning to buckle the plastic molding of the receiver. "I'll see you then."

She hung up abruptly. _Deep calming breath in…_ "ARGGHHHHH!" The screaming part was not the second half of the meditation techniques Giles had been working on with her. "But I feel better." Buffy grumbled aloud.

" _You_ might. The rest of your damn floor just wet themselves." A snarky, and very welcome voice came through the door. "Mind if I come in?"

Buffy flung the door open. Spike stepped in and made a startled cry as he was forcefully yanked to her chest, hands on his lapels, hard, desperate kiss on his lips.

"Hello to you, too, Slayer." Spike grinned when she released him. "Been waitin' for me?"

She considered, panting for breath, having used a lot up in a scream, and then that plunging kiss she'd just indulged in. "You know- I didn't realize it, but I think I probably was."

 _How about that. Waiting for me and she didn't even know it._ He smiled happily, ignoring the little voice in his head that asked him if he might have been waiting for her as well. Maybe for a lot longer than just today.

* * *

 _To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Waiting**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. A sequel to Ready, please read that first. Time marches on and the Slayer and her loved ones prepare for life changing events, new jobs, new homes, a new little life. Spike and Buffy realize they're waiting for something that will change hearts as well._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, there is no Dawn and no Glory. This picks up the immediately following the last chapter._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not heavily focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Author's Third Note: So, I know I didn't update in months, for which I apologize. I know this is a short chapter, but I wanted to get SOMETHING writtten. A brand new baby, hectic life, and then a sudden surgery for brand new baby interfered with writing time. Thank you SO MUCH for your patience._

 _Dedicated to:_ _Ginar369, AGriffinWriter, Illusera, omslagspapper, stuff_ _'_ _n'nonsense, Jackiemack916, lil-leti, nrdhrd3,_ _Lurker09, Fiz, Jhili 88, Kittyfajitas,_ _Darlene Von Tilb, sbyamibakura, juggler, elacarier, , Ginger0826, Slaymesoftly, Cloongarvin, soaringclaws,_ _r_ _p_ _fan1976,_ _EternallyEC, bellebellel, Notashamedtobe and the many kind guest reviewers! Also, if I missed anyone in this very long list (!) I apologize, it wasn't intentional, just the result of sleep-deprived blurred vision :)_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part II**

"Not that I don't enjoy your screams, Luv, but why this time?" Spike sat on her bed, coat off, knees apart and hands dangling between them. The picture of casual contentment, if you couldn't read the continual roving of his curious eyes. "Judging by the way you just bit into that apple, I'll say Git-induced stress?"

"Everyfing's 'us fine." Buffy muttered around the fruit she was chewing. She swallowed. "Everything is just fine."

"Uh-huh." His eyes grazed her knowingly. "Well, if you need my particular talents, they're at your service." Now he reclined on the bed, arms behind his head, shirt drawn tight and clinging over muscular torso as he deliberately stretched out with a sinful wink.

"Stress eating first, then stress sexing." Buffy snapped. "No boots on the bed!"

"All right!" He sat back up impatiently. "I didn't even come over for that, I came over to - ask you something."

Buffy's eyes softened as his tone did. "Well- does that mean we can't? The other stuff?" She sidled over and stood in front of him.

Perfect height. He put his hands on her hips and grinned up at her, unthinkingly moving to lay his chin on her belly and look up at her. "We bloody well _can_."

Equally unthinkingly, she stroked a hand through his hair and felt herself relax. "Trying to set up a time to talk to Riley about an informal custody agreement. We're not fighting, just picking at each other. Him picking at me mostly. Sometimes I feel like I can't blame him, because I'm so not mom-material, but mainly I just want to kick his shins for speaking to me like I had stupid pills this morning." She sighed and rubbed her abdomen with a grimace.

"Oi, you're great mum material, unorthodox maybe, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna be great at it." His hand patted hers reassuringly. "Don't listen to your mum talk down on herself, kiddo. She's pretty damn impressive." He spoke looking dead ahead, staring at her abdomen instead of into her eyes, not really speaking to her.

 _Spike is talking to the baby. Spike is "petting" the baby. Now, why is it when he does that, I don't feel like punching him, but when Riley does it…_

Spike's hand quickly moved back to her hip, and his eyes back to her face. "You set things up okay? As okay as it can be, I mean."

She didn't answer. _He asked about me. He doesn't only touch the baby, or speak to it. When his hand goes here,_ she absently dragged it back in place, _it's not like when Riley does it. Like he's owning property. I guess that makes sense, this isn't Spike's baby._

 _It_ _'s really weird. So weird. That for a second, I thought I might like it better if it was._

Buffy snapped back to focusing on reality, answering his question. "I'm fine. I mean- I will be. Once I do this."

Spike let her push him back to the bed and straddle him. _God, I love being with her._ He looked up with a wide grin that quickly turned into a groan as she fell on top of him. "I really didn't come just for this." He reminded her, hands tangling in her hair, lips at her neck.

"Talk after? Maybe waffles?"

"Bloody waffles." He grumbled.

"I prefer syrup." She rolled off her shirt and undid his fly with a speed that startled him- and made him want her even more.

"I prefer you." He reached up to unhook her bra.

They both realized what he'd said. She smiled at his frozen expression. "Mm. That's a good thing."

* * *

"I don't want waffles now." Buffy exhaled and let her hands drape lazily over her slightly heaving chest.

"I still want you." He licked a sweet spot on her neck and reclined beside her. _Don't William. Don't get drawn in._

 _Little late for that._

"Yeah, well you can have me. With pizza. And a salad. Have to eat healthy. Maybe I shouldn't have the pizza."

"Get the salad and eat the pizza. Drink… milk? Aren't the cravings supposed to be a bit odd?" The vampire arched one eyebrow.

"This isn't about cravings, it's about trying to be a good pregnant person. Good mom. Shit, I have to open a checking account."

Spike sat up. "Checking…?"

"Where do I find a notary public?" Buffy was suddenly up, walking agitatedly, gathering robe and a towel.

"One that serves pizza?" Spike began to reach for his scattered clothes.

"Yeah, if one did that, it'd be awesome."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Just go shower. You can explain what the hell tangent that was afterwards."

"After carbs!" Buffy informed him.

"Yes, after that." Spike agreed with a snigger.

* * *

Again, it was the second helping that started her talking. The third slice started disappearing down her throat, and Spike could see her visibly let go of some tension, shoulders shifting, body sinking back into the booth.

"Willow looked up the rules for custody, basically. We don't have to go to court- _yet._ We have to draw up a plan and get it notarized. That's the informal arrangement that we both sign and agree to- notary signing it too, I guess? Then if we ever have to make it formal- as in court stuff, we have a basis- or at least something to use until then."

Spike sipped his beer. "And you and Cardboard meet tomorrow to agree to terms?" Buffy nodded miserably, draining her second glass of milk. "Bet that'll be just lovely."

"I wish you could slay custody agreements." Buffy muttered viciously.

"That'd be handy, but since you can't, you want someone to go with you? Supportive-like?"

Buffy swallowed a mouthful of lettuce. "Are you offering? Because I think that's a terrible idea. For one thing, it's in the morning, for another, Riley will probably try to kill you. But… that's really nice of you."

"No, it wasn't." Spike half-snarled. "I meant your mum or Rupes, not me! No way in hell me!"

"Oh damn, my mom!" Buffy suddenly sent a fork hurtling down, ignoring the end of his outburst, focusing on something else he'd just made pop into her brain. " I forgot to call my mom _again_! She still doesn't know about the break up. She's going to kill me."

"No, she won't." Spike argued.

"First I slept with a two hundred-something year old psychotic _vampire_ who I proceeded to continue to date after I _killed_ him and he crawled out of _hell_ , then I got _pregnant_ by a great, normal _human_ man who offered a lifetime of the American dream, and I _dumped_ him." Buffy savagely attacked cherry tomatoes on every emphasized word.

Spike wiped spatters of seeds off his hand and surveyed the carnage on her salad plate with a shake of his head. "You've done this to yourself before. I keep saying the same bloody thing. She'll have to deal. She dealt with Angel, she'll find this a lot easier. Fairly certain Finn might go whinin' to her, but he won't stalk her and the rest of the town."

"True. I guess I better start making a list of stuff I need to do, and telling Mom and Giles, and everyone else, has to be at the top. Willow knows. Which probably means Tara, Xander, and Anya know by now. Giles kinda knew before, but now it's official…" Her stabbing fork had turned to listless pushing around her salad bowl.

"Yeah, well Slayer," Spike began uncertainly, very aware of her rapid shift in moods, "the old man knows, I'm afraid."

" He's smart enough to have figured out it wasn't something we could fix." Buffy muttered morosely.

"Bright as he is… yeah, this brings me back to that thing I was gonna talk to you about before we uh- got distracted." _How can she make me so nervous and so bloody horny all at once?_ Memories of their very unique sort of "distraction" made him lick his lips.

"You're acting shifty." Buffy narrowed her eyes. "What did you want to say?" Suspicion pulled at her, but there was no true anger, no feeling of apprehension she was used to when the men in her life said they had something to talk about. _Well, Spike's not really the guy in your life. Just in your bed. And taking you out to dinner, two nights in a row. Oh man…_

"I went there to talk to him. Not about you- not the break up that is, I went to- um- see if he could help me… not botch the thing I'm currently botchin'." He motioned the waitress to bring another bottle, lifting his empty up with a sigh, sinking back in the booth.

Buffy leaned forward, hissing, "Spike! What did you _do_?"

Spike leaned forward as well, elbows thudding on the table. "You can handle things here, _I know that_. _I know_ you're the Slayer, passenger and all." He glared, voice so intense that Buffy blinked and backed up slightly. "But… from all you said, sounds like Soldier Boy doesn't. Sounds like he might try to use the dangerous locale against you, an' so I thought…" He gratefully downed half the fresh bottle the waitress had just dropped off. "I thought I'd offer to do some patrols for you. Not _instead_ of you! More like you take the campus, I'll take dockland, meet you back at the crypt if you wanted to cool off after…" The other half of his beverage vanished. "Dammit, Slayer, stop starin' and speak to me. You know, you can tell me to eff off, I wouldn't blame you."

Buffy paused. Processing first that Spike had just gone crazy and babbled at her (which was refreshing, since she was the one who usually hopped the crazy train) then that he offered to be helpful, then that he had extreme confidence in her. _So I should say "what is wrong with you?" Or "thank you." Or "damn skippy!" ._ She had no idea how "What does this have to do with Giles and Riley ?" popped out.

"Figured it might piss you off less if the Watcher could point me to some spots in town I could actually be useful in, tell me a way not to get under your feet. He was pretty quick to point out that was your call, not his."

"That's… nice." Buffy said slowly. "Riley?"

"My point bein', you'd only need some assistance- _want_ , sorry, Luv, _want_ assistance to shut his mouth. That, and he was there earlier." Spike concluded hastily.

"What?" Buffy rocketed from her seat.

"Finn went to see the Watcher. Before I did."

"Check, please! _Now!_ " Buffy hollered.

"What's the plan, Slayer?" Spike rose as well, evil grin spreading on his face as in his head he heard a singsong _"Somebody's in trouble…"_

Buffy was seething. _Go punch Riley on the nose for going to see Giles. Only- no, I don't think it's a good idea to beat up the father of my child. And it's not like I own Giles. I guess I should call Giles and ask what he said. Or- face my mom. Or forget all of the above, what's done is done_. "We're going to go kill something and then maybe I'm going to go see my mom. I don't know…"

"With you on the first part, leavin' for the second." Spike slid some recently pick-pocketed cash on the table and tugged at her arm. "That covers the bill, let's go."

"I just- I can't believe he went behind my back like that. I _feel_ like he went behind my back. I don't know what he talked about, maybe he just wanted to say goodbye. He's leaving really soon, and right now I'm feeling extra happy about that." Buffy vented as they walked hastily out of the restaurant. "Do you know what they talked about, you were over there after him."

 _That means telling her I wasn't in and out with an offer to help. I guess._ "I think it was on the lines of sayin' goodbye. Maybe tryin' to uh- plead his case." Spike said carefully.

"Which means putting down mine, I just bet." Buffy snarled. "Ungghh! Find me something to slay. Or something chocolate. Oooh! Spike, they should make chocolate villains, and then you could just eat the bad guys and -eww, no, never mind, that sounds gross."

"An' you sound like an idiot." Spike shook his head with a snort. _But I don't really mind it._

"Oh. Yeah." Buffy swallowed, embarrassed. She felt her cheeks flaming as she stumbled over her words. "I - I uh- don't usually talk like that, except with the guys, sometimes. My friends, I mean, not _guy_ -guys. Willow and Xander mostly. Though Xander is a guy, so… I'm gonna be quiet now."

"Huh." Spike looked at her quizzically. _Pretty when she's pink like that. Of course, I think her pink bits are some of my favorite._ He chuckled.

"Sure. Laugh."

"No, I was only thinkin'… it's not so bad gettin' the 'friends' treatment."

Buffy smiled in relief. "Well, you get the 'more than friends' treatment."

 _We're more than friends_. He felt as if his heart was beating for a second, or a pulse, something in him suddenly felt a tingle of electricity, something inside waiting to race. "Slayer, I-"

"Oh! Oh, I meant, I never- the other stuff we do- that is so _not_ what I do with friends. Those friends. I- ugh. Back to the killing and the chocolate."

Spike acted as if he hadn't heard, voice nonchalant. "Well, see, I like bein' the friend. Or more than the friend." Spike looked at the neon signs of the open businesses they were passing. "Can't think of a better way to spend the evenin' than killin' something with you, or watchin' you go to it." His tone fell into the lustful category. "An' I've had plenty of fun lickin' the blood off someone, but I never have tried chocolate." He stepped closer to her, slid behind her as they walked, hand dropping to her waist in a way that was far too intimate for public, especially for something undefined, as something like "friends". Instead of arching away, he felt her relax, slip back against him, hips only. They swayed for a moment, eyes looking at the glowing signs in the windows, but listening to each other, his deepening voice, her quickening breaths. "You're so hot, Luv. Bet it'll just melt down you. Little rivers here." His finger trailed down her spine subtly, and then shifted and ran across her hips. "And here…"

Buffy moaned softly, then collected herself and pulled away slightly. "How do you… _do tha_ t? You're really great at pissing me off- and also the exact opposite of pissing me off."

"You do it to me, too, Pet, whatever it is."

She knew it was stupid to kiss him there, in public, again. But she did.

"You can thrash this vamp all you want, but it's not exactly killin' me. Maybe slightly painful." Spike murmured, hips pushing to hers, so she could feel exactly what she was doing to him.

"Still turn you on." She bathed in the feeling of accomplishment, after weeks of rejection.

"More than you know." He lipped her ear. "Take me up on the offer?"

"The offer?"

"Let me help. Your terms. Not your skills in question, Luv, not your 'condition'." Another jut of his hips. "More a question of mine." He smirked.

"I'll take campus and the Bronze, you take the cemeteries- make Restfield the last one?"

"Be downstairs by the time you get there. I'll light the candles, you bring the chocolate?"

"Deal." _This is awesome. Things that suck- Spike is making awesome._

"Two hours?"

""Yes." She stepped into kiss him goodbye, naturally, like it was a pre-programmed action.

"Can we make it an hour and three quarters, Luv?"

"Absolutely. Good plan. Better plan." Buffy felt woozy, in a good way. "If I'm not there by two, come find me?"

"Good plan. Best plan." He agreed. He felt- strange. In a good way. Like the pulsing in him that had been joined by throbbing hardness was also joined by spinning head. _Like a high. Slayer's blood high, but not from sipping it. From the woman herself._ "But don't get hurt, all right?"

"You either." Buffy grinned. His words didn't sound patronizing. More like eagerness for them to get their respective patrols done and get to the "fun parts". She could respect that. _Because- weird as it is, I think he respects_ me.

"Oh yeah- an' remember, block your middle as much as your face these days." He winked.

"I remember." Even that didn't bother her. _He cares about both of us, without owning either of us._

 _Oh crap. I could really, really start liking him._ "Maybe afterwards, I should go see my mom. Before coming over." She tried to give herself a little room, emotionally backing away before she could do something stupid and get too close to him.

Spike nodded, swallowing a sigh. He reached out and lightly brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, knuckles absently gliding to the corner of her lips before falling away . "I'll be at my place when you're through."

"Okay. See you soon." Buffy watched him stroll off, smiling when she caught him looking back over his shoulder at her. She hurried in the opposite direction. Every step should feel like I'm gaining that distance, Buffy reminded herself.

 _Well, it doesn't. It feels annoying and achey, like an itch you can't reach, just dying to get some kind of relief._

 _He gives me that._

 _He gives me a lot of things._

She decided to wrap up patrol quickly and do everything else tomorrow. _Everything but Spike, that is_. Buffy felt instantly better once she made that decision. _Everything else can wait for a little bit longer._

* * *

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

**Waiting**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. A sequel to Ready, please read that first. Time marches on and the Slayer and her loved ones prepare for life changing events, new jobs, new homes, a new little life. Spike and Buffy realize they're waiting for something that will change hearts as well._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, there is no Dawn and no Glory. This picks up the immediately following the last chapter._

 _Author's Second Note: A "talky chapter" with references to smutty goings on, but not explicit. The smut returns, don't worry ;)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369, Sirius120, AGriffinWriter, Illusera, omslagspapper, stuff'n'nonsense, Jackiemack916, lil-leti, nrdhrd3, Lurker09, Fiz, Jhili 88, Kittyfajitas, Darlene Von Tilb, sbyamibakura, juggler, elacarier, , Ginger0826, Slaymesoftly, Cloongarvin, soaringclaws, rpfan1976, Blue-Embered-Wolf, EternallyEC, bellebellel, Notashamedtobe, Caskett93, Stunning Sunset and the kind guest reviewers_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part III**

Riley left his send off with many thumps on the back and promises never to lose touch, and to stop in and see whoever was left in town when he returned before the true deployment.

"Congrats on the brat, man. Be followin' you from base to base all over the globe, right?" One of the men who'd just learned of Riley's impending fatherhood shook his hand heartily on the way out.

Riley's broad, slightly drunken smile faded. "Thanks," he replied.

 _Not my fault. I tried. I wanted to. I wanted to do the right thing. Wife. Baby. Next generation, growing up like I did._

 _Not my fault she didn't like the idea._ He stumbled into his room, fumbling out of clothes, clumsily yanking open his dresser to find his olive drab tee and shorts he used for sleepwear.

The small ring box confronted him.

He slammed the drawer shut. _Not my fault she didn't say yes._

 _Maybe._

It was his fault. He couldn't be what she wanted- someone who turned a blind eye to her questionable life plans. In that way, yes, his fault.

 _But everyone else will look at her and see another single mother, another deadbeat dad, another guy who left when he should have stayed._

It made him look bad. Horrible. Those who knew the story knew she refused him, dumped him, those who did not would assume he was a lowlife abandoning his responsibilities.

Anger blew through him without warning. His reputation, character, his image, would be ruined to both friend and stranger alike, with the truth and assumptions both making him a joke or an ugly stereotype.

He grabbed the phone and punched in numbers.

* * *

"This is Buffy. And Willow. We're out being awesome, leave a message."

"Where the hell is she? This late at night? We're meeting in the morning." He paced in frustration as he listened to the recording, picturing the empty dorm room. The beep sounded and he hung up without leaving a message.

* * *

Joyce had taken to keeping the phone by her bed, beside her ear, at all times. When your daughter leaves home for the first time, you do that. When your daughter fights the unholy and undead while at college you do that, too. With the ringer turned up as loud as it goes. That's why she scared a slurring Riley before the first ring even concluded. "Buffy?" Joyce demanded shrilly.

"I tried, Joyce. I tried, I really did. But it's Buffy. She doesn't want what I have to give. Doesn't want me."

"Riley? What are you saying? Is Buffy okay?"

"No… She's _fantastic_. And a pain in the -butt. I love her, Joyce. I love her, love the baby, love responsible…ness," he swallowed. "I don't know what she's telling you, but this isn't on me. I- tried to make plans. I had a ring, I bought it the night before she ended it. My timing sucks, huh? I never even got to show her. I guess I had a feeling. I asked her and she didn't say no, but she didn't say yes, either." _Like 'I love you'. Never said it, but sometimes she acted like it._ "I thought we'd need it though, the ring, if we were going to push the wedding up. I don't know why I thought there was going to be a wedding. Just because it's what normal people do, doesn't mean it's what the 'Slayer' does, right?"

Joyce was speechless. She had attempted to make a few questioning noises, but they were lost in the spill of his words. He finally seemed to have talked himself to a halt, and there was a muffled sound in place of words. _Is he crying? Having trouble breathing?_ "Is Buffy hurt? Is the baby - is the baby okay?" Joyce managed to ask in a tight voice, sound barely scraping out.

"Both fine. For now. She might end up killing it, killing them both, but she can't stop. That's what she says."

"Riley, are you drunk?"

"Only a little. I should probably be more. I mean, the love of my life did dump me, and she's kind of holding my baby hostage, and I leave on a mission with a high fatality rate in four weeks," he laughed brokenly.

Joyce blinked and rumpled a hand through her sleep tossed hair. Her eyes were blurry and she had a "woke up too fast with too much to process" headache. "Are you saying the two of you broke up?"

"Yes." One word, so heavy.

"Why?" Joyce demanded. _Buffy can't raise this child alone! She never even kept a goldfish alive for more than a week. And her schedule is terrible._

"I don't know!" He half-shouted. All of her reasons, all of their discussions were blotted out by drink and emotion. "I wanted to do the right thing, and- I had to call you. I would never run out on your daughter, Joyce. But I can't stop her from running on me."

Joyce shook her head, unable to comprehend. "She's leaving?"

"Leaving me. And I'm leaving on a new mission soon. But I'll be back. I would have come back. She could have come with me- not on the mission, but to a base, or we could have found somewhere on our own. She - _I'm_ what she doesn't want."

Joyce swallowed. "I'm sorry, Riley," she said quietly.

"I'm going to help take care of my kid. Financially, physically. Okay? I didn't run out on him. Or her."

"I believe you."

"You- you do?"

"Yes. I was happy when Buffy found you. You didn't seem- like the type to hurt her. Or leave her." _Angel was so terrible, terrible for her, and he left, when I asked. Riley I would have asked to stay, so good, and good for her, but Buffy leaves_ him. Joyce let out a groan of tiredness, emotional and physical. Which then turned angry. "Did this _just_ happen?"

"Two days ago." It finally dawned on him that Joyce had seemed confused by his call. Not just that it was late- wow, it was late- but by the news of the break up. "She didn't tell you, yet, did she?"

"No. She did not." Joyce's voice was clipped.

"But I bet you every one on the Scooby train knows." He snorted with a bitterness uncharacteristic for him. "She's close to _them._ She lets _them_ in. Not the mother. Not the husband- husband wannabe."

"Oh, I'm no stranger to that," Joyce spat. "I'm sorry, Riley," she repeated. "I'll talk to her."

"Thanks." Riley smiled. "I know it won't change anything. But for what it's worth, I would have loved to be your son-in-law."

Joyce felt tears spring unexpectedly to her eyes. She often felt that she was the last person Buffy wanted involved in her life. "You're always welcome here. We'll share a child, your child, my grandchild."

"I appreciate that. Thanks, Joyce. Well, I got you up in the middle of the night. I'm sorry. I forget sometimes, normal hours, when you patrol at night…" His voice started to sound a little hazy. "I'm meeting her in the morning. I'll see you before I leave town."

"Thank you. Yes, please stop by. Stop by whenever you want."

A few more fumbled, sad farewells and Joyce put down the phone. Then jerked it back up, pushing numbers furiously.

"This is Buffy. And Willow. We're out being awesome, leave a message."

"I don't know where you are, out this late, but you're probably out _slaying_." Joyce bit off the last word angrily. "You call me back as soon as you get this, young lady." She snapped the phone back in its cradle and lay awake, waiting for a call she knew she might not get for hours, or maybe ever. She shivered. She didn't often think about that possibility, but it was aways there, a dark closet in her mind she tried to avoid opening. She forced herself to think of something else.

Buffy. Raising a child without a father, without a husband, or even a boyfriend. Buffy solely responsible for a tiny little being ninety percent of the time, every nighttime feeding, every wet diaper, never a break. Parenting a fully capable, brilliant teenager on her own had been a nightmare, Joyce couldn't imagine taking on a rambunctious two year old or a colicky newborn without a partner. All the panic and fear that she had dismissed initially upon hearing about Buffy's pregnancy now flooded back. In the middle of the night, Riley's frustrated voice in her head, they would not go back into hiding.

* * *

"Why don't we go back to your place?" Spike lazily licked a final trace of chocolate from her shoulder.

"You're a big cat," she giggled sleepily and swatted at him. "Why?"

"I know you have someplace to be in the morning." Spike sank back down, smothering the contented sigh. "Figured any minute now you'd get all tense and start rantin' about banks and signatures again."

Buffy considered. "Mm. No." She rolled to face him, still feeling sleepy. "No, I think… you actually make me relax. Sometimes." _Most of the time._

Spike smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. A sweet, soft kiss, the kind of kiss that they shouldn't exchange. _Doesn't matter. We shouldn't do any of this, so that's the least of my worries, really._ "I relax you. An' I let you get out your 'tension'." He squeezed her thigh and they both laughed softly in the dark, her body squirming to his, his arms automatically tightening on her waist, lazily reaching up to tangle in the hair trailing down to mid shoulder.

"Mmhmm. Really good at it." Buffy kissed him back, a nibbling, drowsy kiss as she found herself letting her guard down completely, and snuggling- actually snuggling, into his embrace.

"You know what this means?"

"I like you." Buffy yawned, kissing his chest before closing her eyes, resting against it.

Spike blinked slowly, eyelids heavy, that contented sigh escaping at last. "Like you, too. An', believe it or not- I might be good for you. You're good for me, Buffy." His own guard was down, underbelly literally exposed. "Doesn't make sense, but- you an' me, we're bloody good together," he murmured. She didn't reply. He chuckled against her. He'd outlasted her, again. Sleeping Beauty, right in his bed. In his arms. Inside of him, somehow, like a light gone on, some long forgotten switch thrown.

Buffy thought she replied. She had that confused feeling of thinking you've done something, but not being sure because you're either falling asleep or waking up. _Good for me. He is._

 _You are. Weird, but I like it._

She could have sworn she told him.

* * *

"I swore I'd be on time." Buffy ranted to herself as she ran towards campus in the morning. She slept like a rock beside Spike. Funny, even as exhausted as the pregnancy had made her, she had a ton of fitful nights trying to sleep before they'd struck up this … bargain. _Well, he does wear me out. And his bedroom has no windows. To avoid the sun. Which is up. And I'm late. I'm not going to be late._ She put on an extra push of speed, mentally hearing Riley's panicked cry of "Whoa! Buffy, you shouldn't be running in your condition!"

 _Maybe he's right._

 _I just wish I could get the nagging voices out of my head._

She sprinted through her room for fresh clothes and headed to the showers, then sprinted through again, retrieving calendars and planers and miscellaneous ID you'd probably need to open a checking account or appease a notary. She finally marched herself down the stairs, jaw locked to keep from throwing up in nerves about this confrontation.

 _And because I need to eat. I should have eaten. Riley's going to flip out because I didn't eat. Technically, I suppose that's a point because—_

 _You're meetin' at a coffee shop. Eat one of those pastry things and a bloody decaf tea, or better yet, some smoothie concoction that's got kelp in it. An' if he gives you a hard time, give him a harder one._ Spike's voice snidely broke into her panic, the effect of his mental presence the same as his physical.

 _I'm not the traditional mommy type. I'm not the traditional_ anything _type, but somehow I've pulled off some pretty big things- saving the world, graduating high school in spite of demon infestations and really mean principals. I can do this._

* * *

"Hi," Riley rose to pull out her chair, and half bent to kiss her cheek before stopping himself.

"Uh, hi. I'm going to order something real quick." Buffy didn't sit in the proffered seat immediately.

"Let me." Riley went to the counter with her.

"You don't have to."

"Let me do this when I'm in town. I already feel bad enough that the rest of the universe is going to look at my baby and my pregnant girlfr- _ex_ -girlfriend, and think I'm another deadbeat loser," Riley said in a low, grim voice.

 _Right to the guilt and the heartstrings ripping out of my chest. Why do all the guys I like know how to do that?_ Buffy nodded, swallowing. "Raspberry smoothie and the cheese danish."

"She means a bagel. Whole grain," Riley pointed away from the pastry case and to the racks of bagel baskets behind the barista.

"I _mean_ the cheese danish," Buffy glared at him and whipped back to face the counter, plastering her prom queen smile on her face.

"Both. And a coffee, black, for me," Riley put cash on the counter and they moved over to wait for their order. "Pastries are nothing but fats and sugars," he whispered worriedly.

"Which I burn. Lots of. I can eat the bagel too, I had a really good- uh- workout. Last night." Buffy stopped speaking, wondering if she was blushing, wondering if he would notice.

He didn't. "How much did you lift, how far did you run? Do you know about the heart rate guidelines in pregnancy?"

"Oddly enough, I _do_ know something about that. Wanna guess what _else_ I know? I know that you went over to see Giles yesterday." Her arms crossed over her fuller chest.

Riley looked sheepish for a second. "He's someone I hung out with for the last year. I'm not allowed to talk to him?"

"I have a feeling you went to him to point out what a horrible, risky life I had for parenting. Am I wrong?"

Flashing green eyes, tossing glossy blonde hair. Riley winced at the combination of beauty and anger. "No, I didn't. I … sort of. Should have known he'd rush to the phone the second I left, to give you the next move to make," he mumbled this last bit under his breath.

Buffy felt a retort rise in her throat, but realized just in time that if she said Giles had never called her, she'd open the door to discussing how Spike was her informant, and what he'd been doing there. "Fortunately, Giles didn't need to tell me anything. Thank you," Buffy took her plastic container and paper plate from the counter as it was delivered. "I have what I need for my next move, which is exactly the same stuff we talked about before you met with Giles." Buffy put her food down and yanked out a notepad and her planner. "Here. You can copy down the appointments I have, there's only a couple so far. You know you can come to them if you're in town."  
"Give me one of your blank checks, I need the routing number." Riley countered her stack of paper with his own.

"Um. We have to go to the bank after this."

"Are you out of checks?"

"No… I need to open a checking account." She hastily grabbed her cup and took a loud slurp. "Mm. Great smoothie."

Her distraction tactic didn't work. "You are going to be twenty in a couple months and you don't have a checking account?"

"Slaying doesn't issue paychecks," Buffy hissed. "Don't do this 'you're too immature to raise a baby' shtick with me right now. I saved the world, temporarily died, and created a rift in the cosmic mojo of Slayer-i-ness when I was 16. I lived on my own, _totally_ on my own, no Mom, no Dad, no Giles, no friends, in LA when I was 17, living on tips and still managed to stop an underground hell-portal sweatshop. While I was depressed, and not in great shape nutrition wise!" Buffy's vicious whisper sizzled across the small wooden table. "I am different from typical moms, but I will be a kick ass one."

Riley stared for a moment. "You realize in your speech you included dying and living as a teenage runaway on your list of achievements, right?"

"Urggggh!" Buffy resisted the urge to hurl the healthy bagel straight at his wholesome, concerned, and still cute face. "I obviously can't do this with you. Everything I see as strong and survivor-y, you see as bad and risky."

"You think dying is a _good_ thing?"

"No! Surviving it is pretty impressive, though!"

"You're starting to sound a little crazy."

"Big news- life is crazy. What I sound like is a Slayer, and you don't want me to be one anymore. It's like you think getting pregnant somehow removed any previous parts of my life, so _of course_ you don't like that in reality- still the same girl, same Slayer. Moving on." She slapped a pink pen on top of the legal pad and dared him to continue.

Riley coughed and swallowed his irritability. "Don't… don't get upset. It's not good for you or the baby. I still care about both of you. I was only saying what I think- thought I was still allowed to do that."

She let out a deep sigh. "I will stop getting upset if you stop acting like I'm deliberately trying to get hurt. I care about this baby, too," Buffy flipped through a few computer printouts. "These are some suggestions for informal custody agreements. My bank has a notary public, I think. We draw up something, we sign it, and they put some legal stamps on it."

"We're not going to put our child's future in pink scribbles." Riley reached down under the table and pulled out a black satchel.

"Wow. I haven't see you carry that since you gave up pretending to be just a teacher's assistant."

"Mm." _I remember how my heart ached at the sight of her._ _Still does, in a worse way._ "Well, I've got my laptop. I'll type it up."

"You'll email it to me?"

"And give you a paper copy." He opened the computer and his muscular fingers flew over the keys, typing. "Okay, here we go. Informal Custody Agreement, Baby Finn." He glanced at Buffy, who had a sudden look of abject misery on her face. "What?"

"Poor baby. The first thing it ever has with its name on it is a custody agreement." Buffy's eyes welled up.

"That's not my choice," Riley reminded her softly.

"I know that. I still hate it. But, we have to get on with it, I know. So. I don't think you can take the baby out of town until it's a year old."

"What? My parents want to meet him!"

"Or her! And they aren't banned from the state of California, are they?"

"No, but… I'm not agreeing to that. Lots of babies fly on airplanes, I've seen them."

"Usually with a parent, though."

"And I'm what?"

"I mean with the mom, for feeding reasons. I was going to try to- um- try to breastfeed." Buffy blushed, the idea seeming so unbelievable "maternal" to her at this point. "You said that was the best, nutritionally."

"The way you eat, I'm having second thoughts."

"Riley!"

"You might not breastfeed for a whole year! Babies start eating some solids when they're what- six months?"

"I don't know," Buffy admitted. "But I'll find out!"

"What does this-"

"Put it in there that the baby has to stay near me until it uses bottles and eats baby food, then."

Riley groaned. "Here. 'Until such time as Baby Finn does not exclusively breastfeed, it must remain in close proximity to the mother.' Don't you think you'll have to give it _some_ bottles? Are you dropping out of school? You can't take the baby to class with you to nurse it."

That recurring dizzying wave of uncertainty engulfed her. "Leave what you have for now. I'll work out feeding and schedules when I need to."

"I thought you were going to try to plan more! You can't 'wing it' with babies."

"I won't wing it, I'll have tons of help, I just don't know what the exact schedule is, okay? And you're not even going to be around most of the time, so why are you freaking out about my day-to-day schedule?"

"Who's watching my son or daughter? You don't know, and I'm not supposed to be freaked?"

"Giles and Mom and Willow and Tara and Xander and Anya." _And Spike._

"Giles still comes before your mom, huh?"

"You are being a huge jerky bastard right now." _I would gladly spend the day with Spike at his most annoying. At least I can punch him guilt-free. Or… or other things._

"What about a normal nursery school? Or a nanny? Or you take a year off from school? Can we _not_ have the baby taken care of by witches or people who might accidentally curse its ears off? By which I mean fooling around with magic, not just bad language."

"I will figure it out. Just. Not. Today," Buffy ripped her pastry into three equal pieces, trying hard not to imagine hey were pieces of her ex.

"The mother will inform the father of all child care arrangements utilized in his absence ahead of time. Both parents must agree."

"I'm not putting that. I'm not going to call into the heart of your black ops mission to ask if you mind if Anya and Xander watch the baby one night when my mom cancels."

"I didn't mean like that. I meant- wait, I'll edit it. 'The mother will inform the father of all long term child care arrangements…' Better?"

"What if you won't agree?"

"Then don't do it!"

"But you already don't agree with me keeping the baby and living in Sunnydale, which is where my life and my family are, which is something _huge_. How am I supposed to get you to agree to something minor if you can't even budge on things that are so major?"

"If you expect me to help financially support the child, shouldn't I get _some_ say in who I'm paying to take care of it?"

Riley knew he'd used the wrong tactic, a new level of wrong in a whole conversation of nothing but wrong tactics, by the way her eyes went radioactive. This degree of bad negotiating must stand out, he thought as he felt his skin start to burn under her glare.

"Expect? Expect you to _pay_?"

"Bad way to put it, I'm sorry. I meant—"

"You meant you think your cash entitles you some kind of - of - voting rights! It doesn't! You get a say because it's your baby!" Buffy's shrill voice made customers turn. "Don't ever make this about money again, Riley, or I'll prove exactly how much I can survive without your 'financial support'."

"I get it, I get it. Shhh," he soothed, "bad choice of words."

"Damn skippy."

"Language in front of the baby," Riley reminded her.

She sighed. "That we kind of maybe agree on. One thing out of a zillion." She took a cooling sip of smoothie. "Can you put in there that childcare decisions must be made and discussed by both parents? I have to tell you what's going on, and even if you don't agree to it after we talk it out, at least you had your say? And that goes for when the baby is with your family, okay?"

"Deal. And not to make you go crazy again- sorry, not to upset things again, what do you think about the idea of the childcare gets paid for 50/50, only if both parties agree?"

"So, if you don't agree, I pay 100%?"

"And so would I. It's incentive to agree on things."

"It's my incentive, you have the higher income, and you probably always will. But I accept. Put it in." _Because he doesn't want my friends to help take care of the baby. I don't trust anyone else to do it, not right away, not at first. And if I know my friends, they'll want to be paid in cookies and baby giggles._ "Are there any of my friends that you consider acceptable baby sitters?"

"Your mom," Riley said immediately. "She was so nice last night when I…" Memories of a tipsy phone call flooded back, and dried out his mouth in quick succession.

Buffy felt the color drain from her face. "You talked to my mom last night?"

"I needed to say goodbye to her, and I needed to explain I wasn't running out on you and the baby!"

"Which is really upstanding of you and everything, but I hadn't told her about the break up!" Buffy clutched her temples. "This is _soo_ bad. Did she wig?"

"Uh… I honestly don't remember. I was kind of - drowsy. Post party, you know?"

"Someone just shoot me." Buffy let her head escape her hands and land on the table with a soft thud.

"Sorry," Riley offered lamely. "How was I supposed to know you hadn't told her?"

"I have no idea. You could probably have picked up the phone and called, double checked or something, before you called _her_." _Only I wasn't home last night._ "Never mind. Let's get this hammered out. I have to go do damage control." _Then stress relief._

"Agreed. I have a lot of final preparations to make. And I _did_ try to call you first. Maybe the thing with your mom would have come up, and I could have checked, but you didn't answer your phone. Where were you?"

"Out. Vampire hunting." Buffy hid behind a behemoth bite of her bagel. _At least that's one way to describe what I was doing to Spike last night._

Riley gave her a reproachful look. "That late? Were you alone? Did you at least have someone watching your back?"

Sinfully scorching blue eyes roved over her naked body, breasts, back, hips, and face, all with equal expressions of desire. Buffy could hear his purr turn into a growl as he claimed her body with hot touches, in spite of cool hands. Cool hands that warmed up, all of him warmed up as he cradled her from behind, their hands and heads tangled together as they came, shouting as one. "Yes. Absolutely. I had someone for- back up-all night. Didn't make one false move. Completely covered." _Just not during my super speedy patrol…_

Riley looked marginally relieved. "Promise me you'll try to have someone flanking you, or giving you some solid back up?"

Spike's hands on her flanks, his head buried between them. Spike was solid. Very, very solid, from the back, the front, the side, in her mouth, in her hands.

"You're turning red. Don't get defensive, I just want you to have someone there if you need help." _Which should be always, or should be never, as in she shouldn't patrol when pregnant, but that horse is dead and beaten. Now I just have to hope she'll be smart about this._

Buffy hesitated before speaking. Spike's first encounter with her since the pregnancy had been all about the help, the tension relief, whittling the edge off. "I promise. When I _need the help_. That's something I know better than you. You have to stop talking about it, though." Buffy almost fanned herself. _Let's have him think I'm defensive. Better than blushing and suddenly really, really horny for the vampire I was supposed to be "hunting"._

Three hours later, the couple, looking like they'd been through a windstorm, with rumpled clothes, taut expressions, and stress-raked hair, stumbled through the door of the cafe with a rough agreement, more like a cease-fire truce. It included plans for the baby to have time with Riley whenever he was on leave, the determination of where the visits would occur to be based on how old the child was, plans to update the custody arrangement each year at least, and the thorny subject of money thrashed into oblivion.

"I can print this out at the library." Riley tapped the satchel holding his laptop.

"Good. I can use their bathroom."

"You went three times at the coffee shop."

"I'll probably go at the bank, too. Baby is rolling around on my bladder."

"Rolling around? You can feel it?"

Buffy's eyes softened at the awe and love in his voice. "Only a little bit. Not all the time."

"That's amazing." Riley's hand crossed in front of her and hovered. "Where?"

Buffy hesitated. _It_ is _his baby._

 _Not Spike's._ She didn't resent Spike's occasional touch. _But Spike's doesn't feel like he's grabbing his property. Which is fair, since it isn't his, and this_ is _Riley's, at least half and—_ "Here." Before she could spin one more round on the mental carousel, she pushed his hand down low and let it rest over the place where there had been a tiny flutter. "I don't think you can feel it from the outside yet. I barely feel it from the inside."

Riley nodded, a disappointed cloud over his features when he didn't feel anything after a minute. "Maybe next time."

"Sure, probably."

"That has to be the most amazing thing," he sighed. "I'll be there at the next appointment. I know it won't be the ultrasound, but I still get to hear the heartbeat. Maybe I can feel him kick, too."

"Maybe." _Spike already felt it. Then again, Spike can pick up a living pulse in the next room, so…_

"You seem tired. Should we sit?"

"No, no, I'm fine." Buffy picked up her pace as proof. "I'll be glad to get all this stuff over."

"Did you bring some kind of proof to open your checking account?"

"Proof?" Buffy's voice went from exhausted to panicked. "What proof?"

"Birth certificate, driver's license?"

"Uh… no."

"Buffy!"

"What? How am I supposed to know you need this stuff?"

"You look it up! You call the bank!"

"They know me there. I already have a savings account there, isn't that enough?"

"I hope so, because I don't have time to come back later!"

"I have my permit and my college ID. Let's hope that works."

 _He makes me feel so stupid. All the time. Stupid and like a baby. I'm having a baby, and I'm not a baby anymore. Is that part of his plan?_ "Do you try to make me feel stupid so I'll get scared and say I can't do this without you by my side?" Buffy stopped suddenly and got in front of him, making him stumble to a halt.

Riley opened and closed his mouth several times, looking indignant, then slowly thoughtful. "I want you to realize… I want you to take things seriously— I don't know if you understand how—"

"—hard this will be on my own?" Buffy cocked her head, eyes narrowing, as if sizing up a dangerous enemy that she'd just discovered. "Explain to me again how I would be different if we were together. Married."

"Don't toy with me."

"Don't fool yourself! And don't screw with my head, try to tear me down. I don't even know if _you_ know you're doing it. Maybe it's Freudian or something. So while you're busy thinking I don't realize how hard it would be on my own, I'm thinking you don't want to admit that with you- things would be almost identical. You would be on missions, I'd be on a base with housing. You'd be home on leave and be there to help me, and that's still the plan. Unless you wanted to give up your whole way of life, nothing would change. The same way unless I give up everything of mine, nothing would change."

"But you won't consider that."

"The universe doesn't let me, and you won't let yourself." Buffy swallowed the knot tying her throat closed. "This is going to be nightmare hard sometimes. Stop making it harder."

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

"The nitty gritty part is done," Buffy sighed and tore the wrapper off a butterscotch lollipop she'd taken from the bank.

"Yeah. All the parts that can be put on paper."

"What do you mean? What did you leave out?"

"When I talked to Giles the other day, he said something about protecting you and the baby."

Buffy's face softened. "Aww. Mr. Stuffy Guy showing his cuddly side."

"No, that's not what he meant. He meant casting spells on you. Letting Willow and Tara do it."

"Oh, yeah. I never thought about that, but that's smart. Good! Will you worry less now?"

Riley staggered. "Worry _less_? Buffy, everything in your mind is turned upside down! Didn't Willow blind Giles? Didn't she turn Xander into a demon magnet? To say nothing about you and Spike!"

 _Yes, please say nothing about me and Spike. I really wish we'd never told him about the spell gone wrong._ "Willow had some badly worded moments of magic, because she just went through a terrible break up. She's better now and she has Tara to help her."

"It's too risky! She's not… not always good at this, Buffy. I like her and Tara, but it's a tiny little defenseless baby we're talking about. One that can't fight things off."

Buffy felt anger rising, and then, as if anger were a bucket full of water, it tipped over and spilled out, leaving something refreshing in its wake. She smiled. "No. It can't. That's why we fight for it. Willow cast a spell that brought a soul out of ether and back into its true owner to stop a murderous vampire- and currently really annoying ex- to save my life. She can make light out of words and find paths in the dark. She can make air and earth and water and light do what she wants! She's been on my side through every major battle I've had in four and half years, and there is no one in the world I'd trust more to help protect a child. Because we all mess up. I'm queen of screw ups- but people still count on me because they know I'll get it done. Like Willow. That's probably why- she's my best friend." Buffy hastily wiped her eyes and her smile refused to move. "Tell me you don't want bad ass wicca powers protecting our baby? What other baby has that, huh?"

Riley wished he could see the world through her eyes. "I'd rather have an M1 Abrams guarding it. Maybe a battalion. Especially if it's a girl."

"What? You're talking to a girl who could whip your battalion!"

"Not about girl power… more about dating boys." Riley muttered darkly.

"Oh." Thoughts of a sweet, innocent little girl approached by the types of scum in the world she personally knew existed- _like Parker…_ "When she gets into junior high we'll talk about adding the firepower," Buffy agreed. "If you agree to letting me send my resources, I'll let you send yours- up to and including things that can fit in the baby's room. No tanks and battalions."

"Snipers? You'd be amazed where a guy and one high powered rifle can fit."

Buffy glared, then shook her head. "Only as needed. And… we really need to work on how you say stuff."

"Me?!"

"Okay, okay, we both do."

A few steps in silence. "Maybe your mom should teach the baby to talk. She's the only one who speaks without references to combat, magical or military."

"My mom!" Buffy gave an anguished cry.

"Not again."

"Yes, again! I have to go see her, if she's even still speaking to me," Buffy groaned and prepared to stalk off angrily.

Riley was glad when she stopped. "Sorry about Joyce. And Giles. I had to try to say what I needed to say before leaving. It's going to be different now. For me, anyway. Not being able to cross the campus and see you every day, bump into you around town. I guess for you it won't change too much. You'll still see everyone you're close to."

"I'm a pretty unusual slayer," Buffy swallowed. "And you're one hell of a soldier. You'll make your unit your friends, and I made my friends into a unit. We're very different, but it's a good different, right?"

He struggled to admit that. "This baby will be pretty well protected. If it can survive the ride."

"Not gonna let that one go," Buffy sighed. _One of us has to be the mature one. And as he's still being stuck on that one thing, I guess I have to try to move things ahead._ "Call me when you get back?"

"Absolutely." Riley nodded. "Hey- do you remember what I said to you that day, that day I asked you out for a picnic?"

 _Our first date was that picnic. Which was wrapped up in my spell-gone-bad engagement to Spike._ "You said I was beautiful."

"A beautiful mystery. You are. You always will be to me." He pressed a kiss to her cheek suddenly, squeezing both her hands before blinking hurriedly and striding away.

* * *

Buffy walked along, shakily breathing and wiping at her eyes. I _should feel awesome. Things got done, big important grown-up things. Riley and I parted nicely._

 _Sweetly._

Her smoothie and pastry suddenly gave an alarming upward swirl. _He's a sweet guy and I know he loves us and cares about us… Even if he's not making me happy right now in the relationship, am I dumb for throwing this away?_

 _Unnnn. Why'd he have to remind me of something so good at the end?_

* * *

"Ahn, can you get tissues? And get, I don't know… Willow? For the love of God, maybe just give me an estrogen patch. Buffy, don't cry so hard. You'll ralph on the carpet."

"It's a dorm carpet. It's had plenty of vomit." Anya put the tissues helpfully in front of Buffy. "Is this what you've been doing for two days? Xander's been frantic, to the point of ruining our plans today to stalk your dorm."

"Th-that's really sweet. _Sweet!_ "

"That word makes her cry more. Xander, stop being nice. And I resent the idea that you think you need Willow or artificial hormones to deal with an emotional pregnant woman in the throes of a break up." Ignoring a new moan from Buffy, Anya smiled brightly, "You have me. I'm a fully human woman, and I have centuries of post-break up experience."

"Yeah, Sweetie, but your experiences largely consisted of curses and disemboweling," Xander patted Buffy's bowed head.

Anya waved a hand dismissively. "What happened? Did he threaten you? Insult you?"

"No. We've been fighting a lot, but at the end… he was really sweet. He could be that way, you know? He was never setting out to hurt me, or hurt anyone. He's genuinely a nice guy. He handled the secrets I have better than any other 'normal' boyfriend could, and even if he made a ton of mistakes lately, he tried hard. I make mistakes, too… I don't know why I'm suddenly all weepy over this, I _wanted t_ his to end peacefully…."

"Classic," Anya nodded, blowing a huff of air to fix a loose curl on her forehead. "After everything you've been through, he says one thing that suddenly makes you doubt. One little reminder that made you start remembering all the good times?"

Buffy blinked away tears. "Yeah. The first time he ever asked me out, we were talking… he got all ramble-y and he said I was beautiful," she sniffed. "A beautiful mystery." _He got it then. The girl with the secret. I thought he was Mr. Joe Average, but it was great, that this nice, normal guy wanted to—_ "Hey."

Anya smiled. Xander looked confused. "What's happening?"

"It's the part where she realizes the special words weren't backed by actions. It's pretty classic in the break up situation. Woman calls to part ways, because of something man did, and man says one last, grandiose statement. Like, 'you were the only one I ever loved' or 'I never meant to hurt you'. Woman is wracked with bittersweet memories until…"

"A beautiful mystery he couldn't wait to puzzle out! That's what he said. Or something like that." Buffy was on her feet now, pacing her dorm room. "He didn't know I was the Slayer, he thought I was just unpredictable. He said he _liked_ that!"

Anya shrugged complacently. "He probably did at the time. And he probably meant whatever nice thing he said to you, too. Loving Xander has taught me that men can reminisce with rose-colored glasses as much as girls."

"Uhh… How exactly did I teach you that?" Xander asked, but no one replied.

"He didn't like the puzzle once he got all the pieces! He only liked unpredictable when he thought it would be stuff he could handle! When he saw what the beautiful mystery was, all covered in vamps and magic, and -and not playing by some regimental rulebook, he got all uptight. When I couldn't be exactly the way he thought I should be, he couldn't handle it!"

"Right. So you have a nice, sweet guy who wanted to find out all about you, and he called you pretty. He still thinks you're pretty, and in his head, he's still wishing you were that unexplored 'fun' kind of mystery. You know, back before he knew you could break his ribs with one good hug and had killed more vampires than he'd ever seen."

Buffy shook her head. "I pretty much gave him all the tools to figure me out."

"Since when do you have to figure someone out completely to love them?" Xander mumbled, thinking that Anya was somehow blunt and complex all in one gorgeous package, and he'd probably never really "understand" everything about her.

"You don't need to get them completely. Just enough. The parts you don't understand you lump in with 'that makes them who they are, and I love who they are'. Like your comic books and your freakishly close relationship with Willow." Anya concluded with a bright smile at Xander before turning back to Buffy. "Typically, this was one of the three big moments for vengeance house calls. When women get pissed at the guy for making them second guess and become filled with doubt- then realize the parting words didn't match the ex's actions."

"Really?" Buffy bit her lip. "I'm not feeling vengeful, more like … frustrated. Silly, too, for wasting anymore tears. I should be cried out by now."

"Riley was nice, and he probably meant it," Anya pointed out. "Not like the jerk who says 'You were the only one I ever loved' and then the woman realizes if he loved her, he wouldn't have slept with six other people. I remember that one like it was yesterday. We turned him into purple sea slug and put him in his own aquarium at his office. He was a dentist."

Buffy blinked again, this time at Xander.

"Thank you for the colorful history of scorned lovers and post-breakup trauma."

"See? You didn't need Willow this time."

"No. Just time in general, I guess," Buffy laughed weakly. "Sorry you had to watch the meltdown," she looked sheepishly at her guests. "It was awesome to think someone could actually like the weirdness that is my life. Plus, calling me beautiful. Wasn't exactly high on my list of adjectives, especially after seeing myself in the mirror after a long night of gross demons and various fluids."

"You're still beautiful. The right guy will take the mysteries and the beauty and sit back thinking, 'Damn. I am one lucky fella'." Xander put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed.

"That's right. You might have to wait for it. Hopefully not eleven hundred years worth of waiting, though." Anya leaned on Xander as he focused his attention back on her.

"And whistle while you wait, right?" Xander suddenly said brightly.

"That's work, I think."

"Only if you're a dwarf. Wetting your whistle is what I was getting at. Root beer floats and wacky fun? We could bowl."

Buffy laughed. "Thanks for offering to let me crash your date day further. I'm okay. Now. Except I have to deal with my mom."

"What's wrong with Summers Sr.?"

"Riley told her we broke up. Before _I_ did. I imagine hurt-mom feelings on the horizon. I came back to put all this brand new scary custody stuff someplace safe before I go see her." Buffy retrieved papers and official looking envelopes from where she'd tossed them. "Now I can go face the music."

"You're supposed to listen to it when it blinks," Anya said bluntly.

"Music? Am I supposed to understand what that means?" Buffy looked to Xander, who followed Anya's gaze.

"Oh, your answering machine, I guess."

"You told me not to ignore the blinking lights on machines, they mean something," Anya reminded Xander with a smug smirk. "Buffy ignores them, too."

"Buffy wasn't-" _even home last night. Can't tell them that._ "Buffy wasn't 'ignoring them, too'. I wasn't even thinking about that this morning, I was too busy freaking out over the fact that I had a custody battle before I even had the baby, and without even getting married. I think that's like winning an Oscar for Best Loser."

"Hey, you're still the best at something," Xander encouraged, then blanched. "That came out very wrong, didn't it?"

"I'll listen to the messages and deal with the fall out on my own. Thanks for helping and listening. Anya- nice girl skills." Buffy smiled wanly as she waved her guests out.

As the door shut, she hit the button and heard the clipped tones of her mother's voice demanding a return call. "I guess you can only avoid that for so long," Buffy sighed. She winced as the second message was also from her parent, the icy suppressed rage much more apparent. Buffy didn't even make it all the way through the third message before she was leaving the dorm, taking the stairs two at a time at top speed.

 _I should just go to Spike. It would be easier. So much more pleasant._ Her steps slowed and she bit her lip, fighting the gnawing temptation. _And the stress relief is overdue by now._

 _No. Can't. Must be responsible parent. Responsible person._

She regretfully turned her steps into a resolute jog towards Revello Drive, mentally playing out her mother's probable berating and arguments as she made her way.

 _Just remember what Spike said. She doesn't want you to be with someone you don't love. She understands the single mom thing. And she doesn't just want you with any warm body._

 _That's a horrible way to think of Riley. He's warm, and in a heart-way. A kind way. A very narrow, super stubborn way, but he's not a bad guy. But he's not the_ right _guy either._

Buffy swallowed down tears for the umpteenth time. _The right man would think I'm beautiful, and when he saw the "mystery" of my life, he'd get it. He might even like it._

Unbidden, she heard a sinisterly sweet whisper replay in her mind, fresh from last night. A whisper that was ragged in the midst of a peak, and barely heard over her own moans.

 _My beautiful Slayer. Beautiful, lethal, Slayer. Buffy…_

Buffy faltered and nearly fell as the thought struck her hard.

 _Oh, my God._ Spike…

* * *

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**Waiting**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. A sequel to Ready, please read that first. Time marches on and the Slayer and her loved ones prepare for life changing events, new jobs, new homes, a new little life. Spike and Buffy realize they're waiting for something that will change hearts as well._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, there is no Dawn and no Glory. This picks up the immediately following the last chapter._

 _Author's Second Note: A "talky chapter" with references to smutty goings on, but not explicit. The smut returns, don't worry ;)_

 _Dedicated to: Magic Mockingjays 'n Mundanes, Brendayfay, zenobia2, Lewlou15, Pfeifferpack, RAGAnne, Fizzybeverage, calamityjane31, Ginar369, Sirius120, AGriffinWriter, Illusera, omslagspapper, stuff'n'nonsense, Jackiemack916, lil-leti, nrdhrd3, Lurker09, Fiz, Jhili 88, Kittyfajitas, Darlene Von Tilb, sbyamibakura, juggler, elacarier, , Ginger0826, Slaymesoftly, Cloongarvin, soaringclaws, rpfan1976, Blue-Embered-Wolf, EternallyEC, bellebellel, Notashamedtobe, Caskett93, Stunning Sunset and the kind guest reviewers_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part IV**

"Mom?" Buffy tapped on the front door as she entered. "I saw the car in the drive and I…"

"I was about to head to campus to track you down! I didn't even open the gallery today!" Joyce cut off Buffy as she flew from the kitchen, expression torn between relief and anger.

"What? I - oh. Because Riley called last night. He told me." Buffy pulled herself out of her mother's cast-iron hug, only to be met with a furious gaze and rolled fists on hips. "

"No, because, _young lady_ , I left a message for you _hours_ ago, and you did not return my call. Do you know what that's like when your child is a- is what you are?"

"A slayer. Boy, people have issues with my job these days." Buffy sighed under her breath.

"The point is, you didn't call, and for all I know, you could have died! What happened to you that you couldn't call me for ten seconds and tell me you weren't bleeding to death in some graveyard?" Joyce's eyes blazed, and then blinked back tears. "When you are a mom, you will be just as frantic when your child is out late at night and you have no idea if they're safe. I just hope your child doesn't do what you do."

Buffy felt defensiveness and anger surge and retreat as a wave of fear and regret took their place. _What if that's hereditary? What if it's a girl? Does slaying pass down, and no one knows because the only other pregnant slayer we know of had a boy? Oh my God…_ "Mom. I'm so sorry."

Joyce blinked. That was not what she'd expected to hear. Not something so simple and sincere, without excuses and explanations that only made her more upset. "Are you okay?" Joyce finally breathed.

"I am. I…" _I have to do better about talking to her. She's not really in the "circle of slaying", but she's my mom. I don't want my kid to shut me out someday, even if I make a ton of mistakes. Like my mom did. I'm going to make so many more than her. Look at my track record_. "I didn't want to call you because I was freaking out about telling you I broke up with Riley."

Joyce frowned and blinked again. Honest. Simple. Again. "Why?" The speech she had in mind faded.

"Because I know what it sounds like. He's a sweet, good, hard working man. Not a deadbeat. He's honorable, and patriotic, and he knew about the scary demon-y things, too. He wanted a wedding and country house and fences, everything I should want. But he made me feel like… like he didn't want me. Not, y'know, not like I am.'

Joyce winced. She was familiar with the emotion of not being what your partner really wanted. But Riley didn't give that indication in his call. "He loves you and this baby, Buffy. Why would you think that?"

"He wants me to move around the country or live in Iowa, being an army wife, raising army brats, leaving behind slaying and everything in my life here. The universe doesn't give any outs to this job, and I can't believe he doesn't get it. I mean, if he thought I could walk away from slaying, wouldn't I have done it as a terrified 15 year old, getting almost killed on a regular basis?" Seeing the panic in her mom's eyes, Buffy hurried on, "Besides, there were other things. Other personal, boyfriend- girlfriend things," Buffy admitted uncomfortably.

Joyce chewed her lip. not usually shy about speaking her mind, this time she hesitated before pressing for information. The thought of her daughter raising a baby alone while it felt like only yesterday she'd been a baby herself forced the words out. "Something so big you can't… compromise? Or at least try something? Couples' therapy? Your father and I thought about trying, but- well, that was different."

"Mom? Can you imagine any therapist in the world listening to Riley explain my risky 'career' and how I recklessly won't quit for the safety of my baby, while I sit there, wanting to stake him, knowing he knows the truth? That if I quit, people die? There are demons everywhere, I get that, but this is a Hellmouth. What good would therapy do if neither of us can tell the truth? I'm here for a reason, and there's no substitute." Buffy smiled sadly. Before Joyce could speak, she continued, "He told me, on our first date, that I was a beautiful mystery. He couldn't wait to find out everything about me. When he did- he didn't like the stuff that he couldn't change. The stuff that makes me, _me_. What he says he loves, but really doesn't." A tremble threatened her lips, but she sniffed in hard. "I can't explain it better, Mom."

"You don't have to." Joyce murmured. Moving decisively, she put her arm around Buffy's shoulders, surprising her. "Don't look so shocked."

"Um. I thought you'd wig out. A _lot._ A-are you planning to?" Buffy stumbled slightly as her mother pulled her along into the dining room.

"Not right now. Not about what you said." Joyce shook her head, screaming matches from a bitter divorce repaying in her mind. "The right person doesn't make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Sit. Tea. And sandwiches. Don't argue."

"I wasn't going to." Buffy allowed herself to fall into a kitchen chair, stunned. _The right person doesn't make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin._

 _Spike loves my skin. He loves that I'm the Slayer._

 _Of course he does, it's his thing, he has a "thing" for slayers._

An insistent mouth and passionate eyes spoke of more than this ongoing tryst being about a particular fetish, long past a preference.

"He just wanted you to be safe, I think." Joyce pointed out, sitting a plate in front of Buffy. "I agree with him. _I_ want you to be safe. I would love it if you could leave this place…" Joyce's wistful tone turned brisk. "But I don't think moving matters in your 'career'. At least here I can get a daughter sighting every month or so."

"Mom! Guilt-burn. Bad for my skin." Buffy winced.

Joyce smirked a bit. "Imagine if that little bundle decided to make major life decisions and you were the last to know. _All the time_." At Buffy's apologetic wince, she relented a bit. "Not that I've always made it easy."

"I'm actually in shock that this is more tea and quiet concern and less shouting and disappointment."

"Is that what you associate me with?" Joyce's tone rose a bit.

"No! Well, yeah, sometimes. When it comes to me doing something I think you won't understand."

"Like throwing out marriage and stability as a two-parent family?" Joyce rolled her eyes.

"For slaying vampires and a really complicated baby sitting schedule." Buffy moaned. "It would be easier to love Riley, Mom, to do everything he says, but I can't. Couldn't. I tried a little bit, here and there, changing me or hiding what I can do, what I want, and it never turned into love. It just turned into frustration." _On so many levels. And then I turned into something else. Some sex-craving fiend who practically dragged Spike down by the hair._

Even though exaggerated, the idea of it made her stifle a giggle in the midst of the sobering exchange with her mom. To her surprise, Joyce clucked her tongue and let out a sad little chuckle as well. "What?"

"It 'never turned into love'. That's something that can happen, I guess. It must, every couple was made of two individuals before love got involved," Joyce mused. "But when it happens, usually you know, and you're surprised how easily it happened. You didn't have to try, and you didn't have to change."

Buffy nodded. Thoughts of Spike annoyingly crept into every turn of the conversation. The way things felt so natural between them these days. A lack of demands, an easy companionship. _Yes. That. Companionship. Back on track._ "I think a lot of people want me to change. Dad. Angel. You. Riley. You always have good reasons… Staying safe, avoiding trouble, danger, being more mature." Buffy's voice faded.

 _That's completely true._ I told her so, many times, before and after I knew the truth, Joyce thought. "Well, Sweetie, I don't want you to change. I want you to be the same person you are, wonderful, giving, beautiful, strong, smart… but safe and mature while you're being all those things. Deal?"

Buffy had to laugh. "Safe as I can be, and mature, yes. I made an informal custody agreement, had it notarized, and opened a checking account. Throw in some sensible shoes and bran, and I'm officially 'mature'."

"Buffy! I'm - I'm so proud of you." Joyce exclaimed. "I… you did all that without me."

"I had some help. Willow helped me research the custody things. Technically Riley helped create it and get it all typed and printed up, but it didn't feel like 'help' at the time." Buffy ran a weary hand over her face, remembering the stressful events of the morning. "Is my hair okay?"

"Beautiful." Joyce suppressed a grin. _Mussed, but lovely._ "So. Plans for the rest of today?"

"Honestly, Mom? I think I just want to go back to bed. This has been mega stressful and exhausting, and I'm sleeping for two. Or not sleeping for two." As if cued, an enormous yawn and sleepy shudder overwhelmed her as she finished speaking.

"Of course, Buffy. But sometime soon we need to sit down and talk."

"Totally."

"Moving back in? Taking a semester off? I can help with the baby sometimes, but I really don't know how an infant in an art gallery will be, so I'll have to coordinate around my work hours."

Buffy nodded, but felt another weight descend on her shoulders, replacing the momentary lightness after confronting Joyce and settling a few important matters with Riley. "Wow, Mom, that's a lot. And I don't know all those things right now."

"Exactly. So we need to sit down and figure it out. I assume Riley is offering some child support? He told me he would."

The memory of his phone call to Joyce rankled, but Buffy confirmed it was true. "Yep. Plenty, I think. I mean, not to go crazy with, but he's helping. And he said he trusts you the most to be the sitter, and he wants to help pay for childcare, so I'm sure we could pay you someth-"

"I don't want to be paid! I just don't want to be the sole source of child care. I can't with the mortgage and the lease on the gallery, your tuition… Your father-" Joyce's lips closed with a sudden abrupt smile that she didn't feel. "You know, Riley is a special person. I'm glad you're ending things fairly well."

 _My father turned into deadbeat dad the day I turned eighteen. Riley must seem like the golden boy to Mom. He did to me, too, when I wanted normal, then normal with an edge… He is fair, more than fair, he's just not_ right. _That doesn't make sense, does it? Being fair, but not right?_ "We'll talk about everything, Mom, I promise. But maybe after I lay down? I'm getting a headache."

"Ooh, you have to watch that in pregnancy. Are you-"

"I promise, it's just stress! And being tired!" Buffy snapped. "I promise to see the doctor if it doesn't go away after a nap, okay?" She concluded softly.

Joyce felt there had been some invisible line of bonding communication, and she'd crossed it. Gone from supportive to shut out, and she still hadn't learned where that line was. "Feel better. Call me tomorrow?"

Buffy smiled wanly. "Absolutely."

* * *

 _Absolutely have to go to bed. And sleep. Lying down good. Awake bad._ Buffy's thoughts were primitive for a moment, exhaustion taking over. B _eer good, foamy. Annnnd I'm on the verge of Cave Buffy. And the baby isn't even born yet. What if it has that thing where it won't sleep and cries all the time?_

From woebegone and weary, her face suddenly twitched into a wry smile. _At least I know someone who's up all night._

 _Shoot. I wonder if he's waiting up all day, too?_

Finding Spike edged out exhaustion by the tiniest of margins. _It'll be good to see him. I can tell him no need to meet up tonight. Tension is gone, for the moment, my ex- significant other is leaving town, my mom isn't threatening to disown me, and I need sleep. Spike doesn't really get the "sleeping" part of sleeping together._

Her light steps lost some of the aching tiredness and headed toward Restfield. Part of her imagined a cranky vampire snarling at her for waking him up just to tell him that he shouldn't return the favor. A more hopeful part felt an odd tingle, a guilty pleasure as she imagined that he might really be waiting for her, waiting for news.

 _Like I matter to him._

 _It's a sad day when I care about mattering to someone like Spike. Evil, annoying_

Even though she told herself to snap out of it, she couldn't push the thought away. The thought that she'd had as she approached her mother's house, that "the right man would think I'm beautiful, and when he saw the "mystery" of my life, he'd get it. He might even like it."

And that right man was the wrong man, not even a man.

Monster in the man. Her tired brain slid from thought to thought. _But that's okay with me, isn't it? Because I have the Halloween center in the normal girl wrapper._

* * *

Buffy received a combination of her musings about the bleached vampire. Shirtless and smoking, Spike stumbled back into his chair as she entered, stubbing out the cigarette and cursing. " 'Bout bloody time! Thought he might have slipped you somethin' in your breakfast burrito and taken you off in one of his black helicopters, Luv."

 _Waiting anxiously- and grumpily._ Buffy stood by the crypt door, leaving it cracked a bit to let the smoke escape. "Had to see my mom when it was done. And it took a long time to finish. Then I had crying and doubting and guilting. A whole lot of -ings."

Spike looked at her, the creases of anger leaving his perfectly pale face. "Better now?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, actually. Stuff is settled for the most part, at least until one of us decides to _un_ settle it. My mom wasn't too upset- ooh, although she was before I got there. _He_ called her. Last night."

Spike rose. "Before you talked to her? Y'know, Slayer, for as 'upstandin' and soldierly as he is, he's a sneaky one. Went to the old man and your mum behind your back. Didn't he go to the wiccas, too, making them promise to keep tabs on you?"

"He always has good reasons, but-"

"Dru used to say that about Angelus, we;; reasons, not good ones in our case. There's always good reasons, Luv, but there's always one extra. Control." Spike's fist closed over an invisible ball, crunched, and opened, revealing nothing. "They can start to think you're invisible, unless you're completin' their picture."

His words striking a little too close for comfort, Buffy just nodded and swallowed. "Slayers aren't the controlled type."

Spike gave a satisfied snigger. "Mm, they found that out the hard way. Speaking of which," he sauntered closer, pupils dilating slightly as she slid the door closed, sealing them in, dark deepening, the scent of her replacing the menthol left on his palate. "If you want to prove you're an uncontrollable wild thing, Slayer, you can give me all the 'hard ways' you want. Got plenty to give back." His hips jutted, and his voice purred.

Buffy felt the answering tick in her pelvis, letting him move around her, then to her, pressing up with a small, secretive smile of her own. Being wild with Spike. Unable to hurt each other. Given one royally hard time, and that was putting it mildly. "I'm not always such a - such a-" _Horny, starved, sex machine sounds about right, but no way can I say that._

"Such a beautiful, hungry, hellcat?" Spike's lips lined her jaw. "No, I know that, Baby. But I like when you are. An' you've something to celebrate, which means I'm ready to join right in."

Buffy felt electricity zip down her spine as they kissed, wet warmth starting up, starting to build. "I… can't." Buffy broke off with a gasp, startled to find his hand around her wrist, and her fingers in his belt loops. "God, Spike, sorry, I can't."

"What did I… Did I do somethin' wrong this time?" Spike uncurled his palm from her arm.

Sensuality and devilish innuendo vanished, and all that was left was the guy that made things seem comfortable, in the weirdest of ways. "No. No, what you were doing was awesome." Like- wooo. Ice water in the lap required kind of awesome."

"Well, that's somethin' at least." Spike murmured. "I get it. Big day an' all. Probably got a lot to do. Thanks for comin' over to tell me you made it through. Glad your mum didn't try the fire axe routine with you, too."

They smiled. Buffy's smile faltered, collapsed into a grimace. "This sounds lame. Also, un-slayerlike, but here it is. I'm just _tired_. I didn't know I could be this tired, and I've done way more challenging things, bigger demons, longer hours between sleeping… I don't know what it is, but I'm blaming Jr. here." She accusingly glared at her middle. "Just wanted to tell you so you didn't waste time waiting for me. I'm going home and rescheduling all patrols until after I can actually hold a stake, let alone aim it."

Spike nodded. The stupid thing he wanted to say was struggling to get out of his mouth, so he blocked it with a careless, "Yeah, good plan, Luv. No need to die on the job 'cause you didn't take a nap. Tell you what, I'll do a sweep for you?"

"I can't ask you to do that." _I can. I think we've already established that._

"You didn't. I offered. An' I'm further extendin' the offer. Wanna sleep here? I'll keep you and the passenger safe and undisturbed. No one'll come lookin' for you down here, and no phone calls from mums and angry exes."

Buffy's lips twitched, but didn't frame words. She had yet another unusual blend of emotions mixing in her, fogged with tiredness. Shock that Spike- bad guy, soulless guy, vampire was being a - a _gentleman_? An awesome friend saying the perfect, supportive thing for her overwrought nerves and her really exhausted body? Which turned into being comforted. Pleased, bruised ego licking its wounds that he wanted her around, wanted to help, wanted things that weren't about control, appearances, or physical pleasures.

"Not sure if you know this, but I don't read minds." He grinned crookedly. "Still, if I had to guess, I'd say you're takin' a nice little gesture an' havin' a field day with it. How about you just say 'yes', an' tie yourself up in knots after you sleep, hm?"

Buffy smiled back. "Hm," she mimicked, though not as smugly, "it's not so much the field day, Spike, it's the shock. That you're the one making the offer."

"I'm _full_ of surprises," he moved toward her, and stepped back, trying to fight down suddenly undeniable impulses. _If you do that, its's not really the nice offer, it's just an excuse. And I wasn't thinkin' like that. Exactly._

Buffy moved into him, an involuntary lean that faded to a standstill when he took a little half-step away, an almost shy smile on his face, the bad boy caught being good. "I can be surprising myself."

"Oh, I remember. Vividly." _Have to stop flirting. I wasn't going to do it for what comes after the flirtin'._ "Go on, then," he waved her abruptly down. "Rest up a little."

"Aren't you supposed to sleep during the day, too? Down there?"

"Well, yeah. I'll come down in a bit. You can have the side closest to the loo, all right?"

 _All right. Just like that, huh? Easy. All at once, easy, comfortable, and- a_ shuddering yawn threatened to split her jaw from her cheeks. "Sounds good." With a hesitant kiss on his cheek in passing, she was slipping down to the bedroom.

* * *

He finished _Passions._ He finished a pint. He finished a long list of reasons not to go down, and then reasons to go right down, possibly down on her, wake her up screaming in bliss- or maybe just screaming at him, accusing him of all manner of things.

 _I'm going crazy like her, babbling shit an' circlin' round my own bloody mind. Not even got the "hormones" to blame it on. Maybe I'm tired like her, too. Been worryin' a bit, that's for damn sure. Slayer might think Finn was a sweet soul with pure intentions, but he would never see him in that light. Not once you know he'll calmly walk past half-human creatures, with their brains split open, wide awake, screaming in agony, and head down to get another cup of coffee._

There might be genuine love for his child, but Spike would lay even money that his heart and his fear of what Buffy could do to a mere mortal was what was making Finn play fair.

 _Mostly_ fair. He wondered what exactly was in that agreement.

"I need a lie down. Can't keep thinkin' like this. All involved…" He grunted moodily, and tried to sleep in his chair.

The chair was a poor substitute when he knew straight down there was a soft bed with a soft body and the softest of all soft golden locks. When he heard her heart beat unwaveringly thumping away in sleeping rhythm, he decided to risk it.

"Slayer?" Spike whispered, swinging to the floor with a noiseless swish of boots and denim.

"Come in." Buffy mumbled.

Wonder who she thinks it is? Spike smiled at her drowsy murmur and neared the bed. "Buffy, luv?"

"It's open, Spike."

Surprised and pleased, his smile briefly lit up the dark. "Comin' to bed, then."

" 'Kay." Buffy gave a grunt and went back to sleep.

He eased himself down next to her, belt slithering out of its loops, boots absent, tightly tucked shirt now untucked. Comfortable, that was all. _Comfortable, the lion and the lamb, lyin' together._

 _Who's the lion an' who's the lamb, that's the real question, init?_ He rubbed his hand briefly down her arm, smiling slightly as he looked at her. _Wonder what the mix of lion an' lamb'd look like?_ His mind created lazy images of a tawny wooled creature, before he shook his head sharply and shut his eyes firmly. Slayer and him, that was the lamb an' lion, and whatever she was carrying was not his, not at all.

He fell into a fitful sleep, wondering why he was so peaceful next to her, when his body and his brain had a whole list of reasons he should be anything but.

* * *

To be continued…


End file.
